#you could message us off anon and I'd be glad to talk

[wonyowonyo]

Between Us (A. Yujin x M! Reader)

This one is actually a request that is long overdue, this was suppose to be posted earlier but I messed up and accidentally deleted the Ask of the anon requester. So if you're reading this anon I'm really sorry TOT. Anyways let's get started! Hope you enjoy this one.

Life as an idol was a whirlwind of practice, performances, and public appearances. As a member of the popular boy group Zenith, you have experienced it all—the adoration of fans, the pressure of maintaining a perfect image, and the relentless demands of the industry. Despite the chaos, you loved every moment, especially because it had brought you closer to someone special: Yujin from the girl group IVE.

You and Yujin had first met at a music show where both your groups were performing. During the chaos of backstage preparations, you had accidentally bumped into her, almost knocking over her makeup kit. Apologizing profusely, you had helped her gather her things. Yujin had laughed it off, her warm smile instantly putting you at ease.

"It's okay, really," she had said. "These things happen."

From that moment, a friendship had blossomed. Despite your busy schedules, you found time to support each other, often running into each other at award shows, music festivals, and variety programs. You admired Yujin's dedication and talent, and she appreciated your kindness and sincerity. Slowly but surely, your feelings for her grew, and you couldn't help but wonder if she felt the same.

One evening, after a particularly grueling day of rehearsals, you received a message from Yujin.

Yujin: Hey, do you have a moment to talk?

You smiled at your phone, glad to hear from her.

You: Of course. What's up?

Within minutes, Yujin called you. Her voice, though usually full of energy, sounded tired and strained.

"Hey, are you okay?" you asked, concern evident in your tone.

"I'm fine, just exhausted," she admitted. "Sometimes it feels like there's no end to all the work, you know?"

You understood all too well. "I know exactly what you mean. But remember, you're not alone. We all go through it."

"Thanks," she said softly. "It's good to hear that. By the way, are you free this weekend? I was thinking it might be nice to take a break and hang out, just the two of us."

Your heart skipped a beat. "That sounds great. I'd love to."

————————————————————

On Saturday, you met Yujin at a cozy café tucked away from the bustling city. It was a place where you both could relax without the fear of being recognized by fans. The atmosphere was warm and inviting, with soft music playing in the background.

Yujin was already seated when you arrived, her face lighting up as she saw you. You joined her at the table, and for the first time in a long while, you both let go of the pressures of being idols.

"I ordered your favorite coffee," Yujin said with a smile.

"Thanks, you always remember," you replied, touched by the gesture.

As you chatted about everything from music to hobbies, you noticed how comfortable you felt around her. Yujin had a way of making everything seem lighter, her laughter infectious and her presence soothing. You cherished these moments, knowing how rare and precious they were.

"Have you ever thought about what you'd do if you weren't an idol?" Yujin asked suddenly.

The question caught you off guard. "I guess I haven't really thought about it. This life is all I've known for years. But maybe I'd do something related to music, like producing or songwriting. What about you?"

Yujin pondered for a moment. "I've always wanted to travel, see the world beyond the stages and studios. Maybe I'd become a travel blogger or a photographer."

"That sounds amazing," you said, imagining her exploring exotic locations and capturing beautiful moments.

There was a brief silence before Yujin spoke again, her tone more serious. "Do you ever wonder about what it would be like to date someone in the same industry?"

Your heart raced at the unexpected question. "Sometimes," you admitted, trying to gauge her expression. "It would be difficult, with all the secrecy and the scrutiny from the public. But it could also be really special, having someone who understands what you're going through."

Yujin nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, I've thought about it too. It would be nice to have someone who truly gets it."

You looked into her eyes, searching for any hint of what she might be feeling. "Yujin, is there something you want to tell me?"

She hesitated, her eyes flickering with uncertainty before she finally spoke. "I… I've been thinking about us. We've become really close, and I can't deny that I have feelings for you. But I'm scared, scared of what it could mean for our careers and our friendship."

Your heart swelled with emotion as you reached out to take her hand. "Yujin, I've felt the same way for a long time. I care about you deeply, and I've been afraid too. But I believe that if we both want this, we can make it work. We'll face whatever challenges come our way, together."

Tears glistened in Yujin's eyes as she squeezed your hand. "I want to be with you, more than anything."

With those words, the weight of uncertainty lifted, replaced by a sense of hope and determination. You both knew that the road ahead wouldn't be easy, but you were ready to face it together.

————————————————————

In the weeks that followed, you and Yujin navigated the delicate balance of your secret relationship. You cherished stolen moments, meeting in private places where you could be yourselves without the prying eyes of the public. It was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time, but the love you felt for each other made it all worthwhile.

During a particularly busy month of promotions, you found solace in each other's company. Despite the grueling schedules and the constant pressure, knowing that you had Yujin by your side made everything more bearable.

One evening, after a successful performance at a music show, you managed to steal a few moments alone with Yujin in a quiet corner of the backstage area. Her smile was radiant, and you couldn't resist pulling her into a hug.

"You were amazing out there," you whispered, holding her close.

"So were you," she replied, her voice filled with pride. "I'm so proud of you."

As you held her, the world outside seemed to fade away, leaving just the two of you in your own little bubble of happiness. It was in these moments that you realized how much you cherished your relationship, how much you needed her.

"I wish we could always be like this," Yujin murmured against your chest.

"We will be," you promised, kissing the top of her head. "No matter what happens, we'll find a way to be together."

However, the reality of being idols soon caught up with you. Rumors began to swirl, fueled by fans who noticed the subtle interactions between you and Yujin. The pressure to keep your relationship a secret intensified, and you both knew that it was only a matter of time before the truth came out.

One day, as you were preparing for a concert, your manager approached you with a serious expression.

"We need to talk," he said, leading you to a private room. "There are rumors about you and Yujin. They've started to gain traction, and the company is concerned."

Your heart sank at the news. "What are we going to do?"

The manager sighed. "For now, we need to deny everything. Focus on your work, and avoid any situations that could fuel the rumors. We can't afford a scandal right now."

You nodded, understanding the gravity of the situation. But as you walked back to the dressing room, you couldn't shake the feeling of dread. The thought of losing Yujin, of being forced apart by the industry, was unbearable.

That evening, you met Yujin in a secluded park, far from prying eyes. She looked worried, her usual brightness dimmed by the weight of the situation.

"I heard about the rumors," she said quietly. "What are we going to do?"

"We'll deny everything," you replied, taking her hands in yours. "But Yujin, I don't want to lose you. We'll find a way to make this work, no matter what."

She nodded, tears brimming in her eyes. "I don't want to lose you either. We'll be careful, but we have to stay strong."

In the days that followed, you and Yujin maintained a facade of normalcy, focusing on your work and avoiding any interactions that could draw suspicion. It was a difficult and painful period, but you held onto the hope that you would get through it together.

As the months passed, the rumors slowly died down, replaced by new scandals and gossip. The industry moved on, and you and Yujin breathed a sigh of relief. But the experience had left its mark, making you both more cautious and aware of the challenges you faced.

Despite the hardships, your love for each other only grew stronger. You found solace in the moments you could steal away together, in the quiet conversations and the shared dreams of a future where you could be open about your relationship.

————————————————————

One evening, after a particularly grueling day of rehearsals, you and Yujin met at your favorite spot in the city—a secluded rooftop garden that overlooked the twinkling lights below. It was a place where you could be yourselves, away from the pressures of the idol world.

As you sat together, the cool night air wrapping around you, Yujin rested her head on your shoulder.

"Do you ever wonder what it would be like if we could be open about us?" she asked softly.

"All the time," you admitted, running your fingers through her hair. "But I believe that one day, we will be. We'll find a way to make it happen."

Yujin looked up at you, her eyes filled with hope and determination. "I believe that too. We'll make our own path, no matter what the industry says”

You smiled, feeling a surge of determination. "Exactly. We just need to be patient and stay strong. We have each other, and that's what matters."

As the night wore on, you both talked about your dreams and aspirations, about the future you hoped to build together. The conversation flowed easily, and the connection between you deepened. You felt a sense of peace and happiness that you hadn't experienced in a long time.

In the weeks that followed, you and Yujin continued to navigate the challenges of your secret relationship. You became experts at hiding your affection in public, communicating through subtle gestures and stolen glances. Despite the difficulties, the bond between you grew stronger, and you found comfort in knowing that you had each other's support.

One day, while you were at a photoshoot, you received a message from Yujin.

Yujin: Can we meet tonight? There's something I want to talk about.

You: Of course. Same place?

Yujin: Yes. See you at 8.

As the day went on, you couldn't shake the feeling of anticipation. You wondered what Yujin wanted to discuss, hoping it was something positive. When the photoshoot finally ended, you quickly made your way to the rooftop garden, arriving a few minutes early.

Yujin was already there, leaning against the railing and gazing out at the city lights. She turned as she heard your footsteps, a smile spreading across her face.

"Hey," she greeted you warmly.

"Hey," you replied, walking over to her. "You wanted to talk?"

She nodded, her expression turning serious. "I've been thinking a lot about our situation. I love you, and I don't want to hide it anymore. I know it's risky, but I believe that we can handle whatever comes our way."

Your heart raced as you took in her words. "Are you sure? The backlash could be intense, and I don't want you to suffer because of me."

Yujin reached out and took your hands in hers. "I'm sure. We've been careful for so long, and I think our fans deserve to know the truth. Besides, I don't want to keep living in fear. I want to be able to hold your hand in public, to support each other openly."

You felt a swell of emotions, a mixture of love, fear, and hope. "I want that too. If you're ready, then so am I. We'll face this together."

She smiled, a look of determination in her eyes. "Together."

————————————————————

In the days that followed, you and Yujin prepared to go public with your relationship. You discussed the best way to approach the situation, deciding to make a joint statement through your respective companies. You knew that the announcement would come as a shock to many, but you hoped that your fans would support you.

The day of the announcement arrived, and you found yourself filled with a mixture of nerves and excitement. As you watched the statement go live, you held Yujin's hand tightly, drawing strength from her presence.

"We're in this together," she whispered, giving your hand a reassuring squeeze.

The response was immediate. The news spread like wildfire, and social media was flooded with reactions from fans and the media. While there were some negative comments, the overwhelming majority were supportive, expressing happiness for both of you.

As the days passed, you were relieved to see that the backlash was not as severe as you had feared. Your fans rallied around you, showing their love and support in countless ways. The industry, too, began to adapt, recognizing that love and relationships were a natural part of life, even for idols.

With the truth out in the open, you and Yujin finally felt a sense of freedom. You no longer had to hide your affection, and you could openly support each other in your careers. Your relationship flourished, and you both grew stronger, both as individuals and as a couple.

One evening, as you sat together in your favorite spot, you looked out at the city lights and reflected on your journey. You had faced countless challenges, but you had done so together, and that made all the difference.

"I'm so proud of us," Yujin said softly, resting her head on your shoulder.

"Me too," you replied, wrapping your arm around her. "We've come a long way."

She looked up at you, her eyes shining with love. "And we'll go even further. No matter what, we'll always have each other."

You smiled, feeling a deep sense of contentment. "Always."

As you held Yujin close, you knew that your love would continue to grow, transcending the obstacles that came your way. Together, you were unstoppable, and the future was yours to shape.

[halsinsnaturepocket]

WIP Wednesday - Help me decide where to go with my Fic

Help me make a decision on the direction of my fic Yearning for a Taste I'm going to post what I have so far under the cut. Consider it a teaser, or a chapter 1 with a cliffhanger. (This is a bit that might make it into my longifc, but I'm playing around with it as a oneshot with a generic femme Tav because I think its hot and can go in a few different directions and I'd like to explore those directions.) Think of it as a choose-your-own-adventure fic and the final piece will be posted on Ao3 reblogging for sample size / commenting&tagging with suggestions is always encouraged :3 MINORS DNI

Summary:

After one night in the shadow-cursed lands, Halsin is in his tent minding his own business reading a book when he hears Tav allowing Astarion to feed on her but it becomes….more.

Halsin hears the whole thing and is trying to be Normal about it, but the poor elf has been pent up for so long and is trying to focus on lifting the curse...but alas, he has needs.  CW: Voyerism, dirty talk, Astarion feeding on Tav

Halsin was lying in his tent, using a bedroll to prop himself up as he read one of the books Tav had managed to find during her travels. A book on mindflayer anatomy - a fascinating read, bringing him further insights into the threat they were facing. His attention was so focused he almost didn’t hear the sounds of two people meeting up near his tent. Unfortunately for him, his hearing was rather keen, and the secluded clearing he had settled in blocked out most of the noises from camp, but not the sounds of anyone in the clearing.

“Gods you're such a little freak,” he heard one voice purr. “You're so good to me, sitting in my lap, letting me feed on you.” The praise was followed by the sound of lips smacking against skin followed by a soft moan – he recognized those voices. 

“Did you want more, darling?” Astarion’s voice was silken, lined with hazy lust. “Or did you just want to be my little snack for the evening?”

“You’re sure you saw Halsin go towards the north of camp?” She heard her whisper.  That was most definitely Tav, her soft voice was very distinctive. There was nobody else that voice could belong to.

“Almost positive, my dear. There’s no light on in his tent either, he’s probably off meditating or whatever it is he gets up to.”

They were quiet for a moment. It was true, he had wandered to the north of camp earlier in the evening, but while everyone was enjoying a meal by the fire, he had returned to his tent, rather exhausted from trying desperately to commune with whatever living things he could find in the shadow-blighted village that surrounded them. There wasn’t much, and his efforts had expended quite a bit of his magic. 

“NNnnf…Don't stop…” Her voice was barely a whisper, a near-silent plea. 

Halsin squirmed uncomfortably in his tent. Of all the people to have a liaison behind his tent…it had to be these two. From the sounds of it, Astarion was drinking from her neck, his hands likely snaking beneath her clothes, pleasuring her…

Halsin was desperately trying not to listen in. He had been pent up for so long, and the two of them had tried a few times to bed him; it had taken everything in him not to give in. He was glad they sought company with each other, but did it need to be right outside of his tent? There was a pause in their sounds, and he breathed a sigh of relief. Hopefully they were through. Hopefully he would just bite her and be done with it. 

His hopes were futile as he heard a soft gasp escape from Tav. “Astarion–gods that feels so good.” 

“Breathe a bit deeper for me darling - that's it.” He heard Astarion coax. “Good girl, that's my good little treat. You're so nice and wet for me…” 

Halsin turned on his side, his back towards their sounds as he tried desperately to focus on the words swimming around the page of his book, trying to ignore the sound of the two of them, but it proved…difficult. Her stifled moans were stirring emotions he had been trying to suppress for far too long. Both Tav and Astarion had long since held his attention - maybe it was just the kindred feeling of being around two other elves, or maybe it was more…He didn't want to think about it. He had to stay focused on his goals, the shadowcurse lurked right outside the edge of their camp. He couldn't entertain such frivolous thoughts of companionship —

A loud moan interrupted his thoughts. 

“Bite me again, Astarion.” 

“With pleasure.” He heard him murmur, followed by the sound of Tav hissing from the sting of being bit, followed by another soft moan. 

“Gods you taste so sweet when you're on the edge…cum for me darling. Cum while I drain you dry.”

Halsin froze, recalling the sensation of Astarion’s fangs when he sunk into his flesh. He had allowed the spawn to feed on him once or twice when Tav was too exhausted. It was an intimate experience, to say the least. Silvanus forgive him, but it must feel amazing at the precipice of pleasure, to be on the edge of pure ecstasy and feel yourself shaking with the cold chill of life being drained—fuck. He turned his attention back to his book. "Many curious scholars have noted the illithid's disdain for arcane magic, yet do not understand the reasons behind it. In traditional illithid circles--" Yes, quite interesting, to find that illithids were weak to magic. He had noted the tadpole he studied had reacted to arcane magic when used on it. He had read this same sentence at least 4 times now.

“Oh gods, fuck, Astarion!” He heard Tav cry. They weren't even trying to be quiet anymore. 

He couldn’t avoid it any longer. The familiar sensation of arousal gripped at his senses as he felt his heartbeat quicken and his trousers grow tighter. If they kept this up for much longer he’d have to find a way to relieve the tension himself.

“Shhh… my love you'll wake up the whole camp at this rate,” he said, a twinge of teasing laced with lust spilled from his voice. 

Halsin had always wondered what sounds Tav would make…he'd heard her laugh, cry…her sneeze even. He savored the sound of her moving, of humming to herself. Her battlecry, her happiness…they were all so beautiful. But the sounds of her ecstasy…he didn't realize they could sound so sweet. 

“Don't make me gag you darling.” He heard her moans become muffled, as though a hand had come to cover her mouth…likely exactly what was happening. 

Halsin gritted his teeth, picturing the image of Tav tied up his vines, a thin cloth gagging her. And then the thought of her entwined in the pale elf, one hand over her mouth while the other was plunging himself into her sopping wet cunt while a trickle of blood from his fangs runs down her neck… He couldn't help himself. A groan escaped from him. He stifled himself, a worried hand covering his mouth, trying not to let the longing into the sound that dared escape his throat.

The sounds stopped. Utter silence. The silent eeriness from the shadowlands was not helping. 

“Shit–Astarion you said he wandered off to the north of camp, is Halsin IN HIS TENT?”  He heard Tav whisper angrily. They had heard him. Hopefully…this would pass, and it would never be brought up again. 

“I–ugh, I don't know, Tav, I thought I saw him leave his tent. What's it matter anyway?…I'm sure he’s enjoying the show. If he was so inclined he could join if he wants. Though, perhaps he’s deep in a trance.”

“Gods…damned it Astarion—” She moaned loudly. 

‘Should I stop?” He asked. 

[valley-of-the-lost]

What's recently happened with Lady Emily? Are there new screenshots??

I don't know how much you know about the situation Anon but quick background if you haven't caught up:

Lady Emily accused Youtuber Chuggaaconroy of sexually harassing her and several other women, specifically accusing him of engaging with unwanted foot fetish roleplay with her and trying to solicit feet pics.

She did provide screenies, but how they're cropped and framed is... notable. Such as, one of her sub-allegations is that she ghosted Emile because she felt uncomfortable and that during the ghosting he got more persistent and aggressive. Except when I look at the screenies provided for that period of time and there's things off about them. Yes, Emile does send multiple messages after she stops responding, but they get progressively more staggered over time. As in, for a few days its like 3 messages per day, then it peters off to 1 per day, etc etc. At the end of the screenie he apologizes for bugging her and says he'll leave her be after that message. After that message there's a reply on September 29th (the day after the "I'll leave you alone message"), but we can't see who it is.

The next screenie is Emile messaging into the void again, and you'd think that he lied about leaving her alone, but the dates are out of whack. Instead of where we left off in September, these messages are about a month later in OCTOBER. It's impossible to tell if Emile kept pestering her for a whole month or if this was a different instance, and there's no clear distinction or clarification about these instances so it would be very easy to mistake it for Emile going against what he said about leaving her alone and basically pestering her for a whole month. Which would look a LOT worse than just messaging for a few days before laying off.

The cropping for some of her messages was sus too. She cropped individual messages of Emile's where he talks about his thing for shoes and certain things he says ("glad we understand each other" & "Being forward with you cause I'd rather not keep anything from you and let you make the best decision for you...") appear to signal a direct and open conversation between the two of them about the shoe stuff. But we don't get to see the surrounding conversation, so it was left in the air if she gave consent or didn't.

Turns out she did give consent.

Like she just released the full screenies of those cropped ones of their discord DMs which shows not only Chugga checking in with her on direct terms to explain about and ask her if she was okay with the little roleplays involving his thing for shoes, and she explicitly said she was okay with it.

There's a framing that's been going around that Emily consented to this under the (allegedly false) impression it was a joke and Emile used that to get progressively more creepy and aggressive with her. But there's a flaw in that in the content of Emile's little roleplay segments don't seem to change. By the time he has that open and direct convo with her, he's already initiated roleplay where he does gags like trying to get her shoes (specified as "cartoony") and spins her shoes around so when he throws them back they knock her backwards in her chair. The content of it doesn't really escalate or change, so I fail to see how she was consenting under a false impression.

There's also the thing about the shoes lol Emile sent Emily shoes as a gift and then asked to see her in them. Emily framed this as him soliciting feet pics from her but despite that she agrees right after with no resistance. And it's not like there's something there like Emile pressuring her to zoom in on her feet (she sent him a fullbody pic of herself with the shoes on).

It's very strange that she cut this all out in the first place, and honestly if you asked me she did it to whip up the twitter mob so she could release the rest later either to undercut Emile using the screenshots or because she'd already set the framing that Emile sexually harassed her so no matter what the screenies actually said people would still side with her.

[skania]

ONK Replies #4

If you've sent me an Anonymous message these past two weeks and I haven't replied to it yet, it should be here!

On a related note, unless it's something I've been meaning to talk about, I'm taking a break from replying to anon messages about Aqua/Kana because it's just not what I'm here for 😭 I don't want my blog to focus on the things I dislike about a ship I don't ship, I'd rather it be focused on the things I love about the ship I do ship.

Off we go!

Hi anon! No, I don't think Kana is the only light for Aqua. I agree with you, I think Kana is "light" in general and not Aqua's light specifically, I actually think she's meant to be "Everyone's Heroine" much like Fujiwara was in Kaguya.

Yes anon, it's in Chapter 98.

Hi anon! It's as Kana explains it:

Himekawa wasn't trying to outshine anyone, he was acting the way any lead actor would. Akane deliberately outshone everyone in order to draw Kana out of her shell, but it has the opposite result because Akane stands out so much that Kana automatically falls into her self-appointed role of "coordinator".

The way I saw it, it's because he was thinking of doing something (revealing Ai's secret) for someone else's sake (to save Kana). Since his actions are not (purely) motivated by negative emotions like revenge, his star briefly turns white. One of Ruby's stars goes white in that same chapter for the same reasons.

To be clear, Aqua was going to reveal Ai's secret regardless, it was part of his plan. But the timing of the reveal was for Kana's sake.

I mean, the manga does go out of its way so we'll pity Kana, but it's used for comic relief just like Maki's self-inflicted suffering in Kaguya. The comment you read comes from someone who seems to expect OnK to be written like a shoujo, but it isn't supposed to be one lol

No, I don't think Aka will go down the incest route. He will definitely have fun with it before he shoots it down, though 😂

I think that acknowledging the contradictions would mean acknowledging Akane is more important to Aqua than they'd like to admit and/or believe, so it's easier to just not do it. Ironically, one could try to justify all of this by saying that Aqua just can't help himself: he comes up with excuses to stay near Kana but is perfectly capable of staying away from Akane.

...Except Aqua stayed away from Kana from an entire year, meanwhile with Akane he caved in and went to see her within 3/4 months of claiming he would have nothing to do with her 😂

I'm glad it made sense to you anon! I honestly also felt like something clicked in my brain when I read that take 😂 It explains why Aqua's reaction is so subdued, why there is no focus given to it at all and just as you say, it also explains why Crow Girl just describes Kana as the girl who loves Aqua.

Honestly, I'm always trying to stay as cautious as possible, but by this point I do think it's Akane. I'm just waiting for the upcoming chapters to either confirm or deny it. So, all we can do for now is cross our fingers so that Aka takes this where we think it's going! lol

To be fair, Aqua and Kana are a pretty inoffensive ship all in all, so it's not hard to see why people ship them. I personally don't ship them because I find them boring and underdeveloped, but that's just a matter of taste 😂

I can see why you feel that way! I'm not sure I see Akane as someone who is in the dark, but that may just be me. I think she is someone who can go there if she has to, but it isn't her normal disposition. She was willing to walk with him in the darkness if that's what it took, and now she is ready to do what it takes to pull him out of it.

So if Aqua and Akane are endgame, they'll be endgame because Akane has seen and been there for Aqua at his lowest and she has loved him and offered him solace through all of it.

Hi anon, thank you!! I think it's a bit different. With Ai, he "superimposed" Sarina onto her because Ai was walking the road Sarina wanted to walk, it had little to do with the kind of person Ai was. With Kana, it's the opposite. I feel like Aqua thought 'Yes, she can be the kind of idol Sarina-chan wanted to be.'

Since Kana can be the kind of idol Sarina wanted to be (an honest one), Aqua likely felt that Kana could give Ruby (Sarina) the right example and lead her on the right path to become the (pure, honest) idol she's meant to be.

Aqua didn't really need to project Sarina's dreams onto Ruby because Ruby had the same dreams herself. If anything, I think Aqua was waging a war on himself all along, because he did see Ruby as Sarina and blamed himself for it, thinking that he was only seeing what he wanted to see and that there was no way something that good could happen to him.

So all Aqua really had to do was watch over Ruby (Sarina) so she would fulfill her dream.

"I don't know how you feel, but I'm here to listen" I love that! I think you're both right: Kana's intention was to empathize with Aqua and to offer him comfort, but she missed the mark. I think Kana's aim was to say I've lost people too and I know it hurts, your pain must be so much worse though. Don't downplay it! The problem is that she gets carried away in her own feelings, so the conversation immediately stops revolving around Aqua and his pain to revolve around her.

So while she meant well, this interaction does end up being an example of one of the fundamental problems I have with their dynamic. It's way too Kana-focused. We see Kana's fantasies about Aqua, how she depends on him, that she wants to be his idol, etc. We've seen Aqua saving Kana, but even when she makes the effort to try and comfort him, he ends up comforting her instead lol It's not balanced at all, for me at least.

[kingdoms-and-empires]

I don't know about that new subreddit, one of the mods seems to regularly post in r/Conservative and has quite a few... hot takes, to say the least, that I doubt will go very well with most users here. Don't take my work for it: imgur(.)com/a/BFOT6cI

Hello, I'm actually glad you brought this up! The person in question is named Bird on KaE Discord, he's one of my moderators. He's the one who created the subreddit in the first place actually.

In the early days of the KaE Discord, it was like the wild wild west lol, not only was it anarchy and messy...we had alot of political talk in there as well.

We soon learned that it made things too incendiary, and put people at risk of getting banned for emotional outbursts. So we implemented new rules in my server that political talk was now prohibited. Why? Because it has no place in a community that's centered and focused on Interactive Fiction. We came in with the same mindset concerning the subreddit. It's a place that allows discussion only on the topic of Interactive Fiction. Bird and I actually discussed whether or not we should use different usernames for the subreddit. One out of fear for incurring the wrath of some entities, and the other for letting ourselves be open for inspection to the world. It's a very naked feeling, having your commentary be exposed for everyone to see, to judge. But we said fuck it. We shouldnt hide.

His and mine political leanings havent been a problem ever since we prohibited the allowance of political talk in the server.

My server has now grown to over 1000 members, and the moderation of Bird and the rest of the team is a main reason for it.

I invite anyone and everyone to look inside my server. See the vibe of the place. You'll find that the community is one focused on not just Kingdoms and Empires, but the Interactive Community as a whole.

We actually expected this to happen. So thank you for ripping the band aid off and letting us talk openly about it. However, I'd like everyone to know, this anon has sent the same message to every single person who has reblogged the subreddit post. I sense shady shit is underfoot. Honestly, this tactic may have worked if everyone was decentralized and unable to communicate with each other. But thankfully, the Interactive Community is becoming more centralized and united. I have a suspicion on who you are, but baseless claims are below me, and not worth anyone's time.

Just like your baseless claim of Bird's ability to moderation being in question. Not when the past indicates otherwise.

Also, I hope you know: If you continue digging up the past or mass message people who support the subreddit with more screenshots and the like...you're gonna get outed as someone who wants to see this subreddit fail, right? You won't be someone who simply wants to call to alarm a mod being conservative and warn others who disagree with those views. You couldve simply brought this out into the open at the subreddit itself, where everyone could see and we couldn't delete it without looking like hypocrites. Instead you'll be exposed as a bad actor with malicious intentions. Ah but i digress, now im the one throwing baseless claims...until you prove me right :)

Also, shameless advertising: https://discord.gg/73WdMMNXvm

[kingprinceleo]

Playlist anon-

Np it was super fun to do and I'd LOVE to look through you're other playlists (totally not shaking in terribly concealed excitement) :)

I'm getting back into Set it Off thanks to you (haven't listened since early highschool) and I'm putting the playlist on loop

You created a monster, moon trance and another song weren't listed or playing in the YouTube app but I could see them when using the chrome link you shared so I just looked them up separately.

I haven't really seen much lore on Amy or Eggman yet so they kinda blindsided me in the analysis 😅 but I'm looking forward to the dessert vampire playlist especially because the vibes scratched itches I didn't know I had

You're one of the first creators I followed when I joined the fandom last year so it's really an honor that you like me analysis🙏🏽

(Is it okay if I message you privately no pressure of course love your blog all the same <3)

Have a good timezone (glad my thoughts weren't too rambly for you)

~🩸🎵

awwww yisss >:DDDDDD set it off is so fun!!! they are dropping a new song in a few days <333 https://youtu.be/3Acv1hRI6RA?si=TsaCSeTYcDwJ8CB3 set it off song that is LITERALLY just sonic the hedgehog ^^^^^^^^ ohhhh!!! ok this is really helpful to know actually! ive lost so many songs to youtube hiding them </3 yeahhh, ive kinda been more reserved on lore dropping bc i feel bad when people get attached to an idea and i overwrite it entirely </3 (there are also some spoilers i dont wanna casually bring up!) unfortunately there are only 3 desert vampire au songs ! but 1 one them bangs so unbelievably hard ive dubbed it the theme of the whole au (its Stampede, rouge and shadows dynamic esp with the part where the instruments are like. 'talking' to each other) and wahhh ty!! 🥺🥺 and tysm for taking the time to go thru the playlist !!! i love hearing thoughts about it.. (n yeah it should be all chill !!) you too!! (not at all i loved them :]]]]) here are the others!! (happy auau doesnt have one the poor thing </3) Desert Vampires (welcome to the circus is the weakest and least accurate song there but it has a vibe to it i wanna see if i can find elsewhere)- https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLvaIqf9XfBFPrqxwm8jhQkSPC8DaTGvCt

Fire n Water-https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLvaIqf9XfBFM0qBfqckSVmxvWtzAQ2Ru3 1000 Years Bound (LONGEST)-https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLvaIqf9XfBFNv6VjxNknUKxStdyez-HUI ^v^ eeee

[batboyblog]

Hi! I don't know if you remember me, but I'm the anon from a couple weeks ago who just found out their grandma was jewish. I didn't know at first if I should get you a follow up, but your attention and kindness are still so dear to me, I decided it wouldn't hurt, at least (plus you called me friend, which is a win in my book)

So, I didn't talk to my grandma at first - my mother and aunts did. It was a very charged conversation, everyone was sore after a few days, but afterwards Grandma called everyone in the family to talk. She told us the broad strokes of the story, which was also very intense. She said she won't expect any of us to take this stuff to heart and start being Jewish, as she put it, but that she was happy with what we could share. She's kind like that. I know she's scared, I don't think she could not be, but she's been patient. I've taken opportunities to talk to her in small increments about it. I am really very open about learning about it, if not from a religious standpoint at the very least from a cultural one. She shared her secret for babka with me, as I asked her to. I learned it was her father's mother who taught her sister when he was young. It feels surreal to know this, a lifetime and an ocean away. But I'm happy she got to share this. I'm not the greatest baker, but I'm excited to try and bake it.

It's about to be Purim, right? A couple days away? My aunt is thinking of suggesting grandma that we celebrate it. I don't think we'd know what to do much, since grandma hasn't celebrated it in like, 80 years, but maybe she'd like that. Or maybe it's too soon. We'll see!

Anyways, I just thought I'd let you know. It may not have been much to you, but your words have really mattered to me. Thank you!

(also to whoever linked the song 'we are a miracle' in the notes of one of my asks, thanks for the song. I cried listening to it! I'm still very hesitant to say I'm Jewish, since I'm so removed, but to have even 1/1000th of connection to this history is honestly an honor.)

first off, of course I remember! its one of the more interesting things I've heard through this blog!

I'm glad you reached out I've been wondering ever since our last back and forth.

I'm also very glad you've been able to talk to your grandma and get a little family history and baking

yes Purim is coming up, it starts on the 6th, Jewish days start at sun down so a Jewish day would be night fall the 6th to nightfall the 7th, with the 7th being Purim (or the 14th of Adar in the Jewish calendar) you should totally ask her

IDK what Jewish community life is like where you live, if you live somewhere with LOTS of Jewish life or not. But I was thinking about after our last talk you should ask your grandma if she'd like to speak to a Rabbi, clearly these things do still mean something to her. I don't really know again how much Jewish life there is around you as far as options, and I also don't really know what your grandma would be comfortable with. Any ways she might find it comforting and easier to have one on one chats with a Rabbi rather than trying to dive into finding holiday services to go to.

one thing you might do for Purim, is the traditional cookie of the holiday, hamantash I mean who doesn't like a plate of cookies?

any ways if you live somewhere without a lot of Jewish resources, feel free to message me and we can brain storm ways to connect your grandma with resources. And feel free to message me any ways

also, this is a hard conversation, but you know, this is the end of her life, and while at the time I found it very hard to have the conversation with both my grandparents during their lives, after they passed a few years ago I found knowing what they wanted done as far as the funeral and stuff very comforting I felt very much like I was helping them. Sorry I know it's a very hard thing to talk about but... before it's too late your family should ask, does she want a rabbi? a Jewish funeral? a Star on her grave stone? her Hebrew name?

I wish you, and your family the best of luck (and happiness) with all this and to repeat my ask box and messages are always open for all questions, thoughts, updates etc

[candiid-caniine]

Hi! I’m the person who messaged you saying I’m currently edging and discovering more dominant sides of myself :D I did end up making myself come yesterday, because I had a date later and didn’t want my arousal clouding my judgement. However, this led me to figuring out that not coming seems to push me in more of a dominant mindset. It just ugh. Makes me want to ravish any drippy hole that comes my way. Drippy holes like you <3 I really enjoy reading your infodumps on kink, so I wanted to share what I observed re: denial and dominance, and see if you had any thoughts on that. I also have the afternoon to edge myself, so I might talk to you later - I’m in a mood to use something. I’m gonna sign off with 🐚 if that’s okay

ooh that's so cool anon,,, and I'm honored to be among the drippy holes 😭

yeah what I've noticed for me is that denial...makes me more confident about my other kinks that may have been too nerve wracking to pursue before? like certain pain play, all day scenes, harder degradation and humiliation, piss...i feel like my inhibitions lower and my fantasies are more vivid. so it could be that for you - I think it's also a boost of sexual energy that sort of,,, builds and builds for days instead of spiking and fading in bursts with your orgasms.

if I had to guess, that's what's happening! denial makes us more eager to explore and makes us energized. that said ofc like anything that lowers your inhibitions, stay aware. I've never ended up in unsafe situations, or ones where I felt my ability to consent was compromised, but just because I haven't doesn't mean it couldn't happen to someone, or even myself, eventually 💕

thank you for sharing!! so interesting!!!! if other ppl have similar or different effects from denial I'd love to hear them, either in replies to this post or through asks 💕 love learning together love community and feel very honored to be the inbox you all send these things too 😉

(also sososo glad you all enjoy my infodumping ahahahdhdh,,, I get very self conscious abt it sometimes lmao)

[mangle-my-mind]

Hi! I found you because of Velvet Goldmine, but now I find out you like the Beatles and used to write for them? I'm intrigued, if you're willing to disclose that.

"In Berlin" is the best thing. I'm obsessed with the three of them, and. It really hurts at times, and then there's Jack and a cup of tea, or a soft word, the willingness to be patient, and to talk out anything. He's such a darling. I love Curt in your writing, too. How he's trying and him trying is enough even though it's really not perfect. My heart has broken a couple of times while reading, because you write them so well. And you bring realness to these characters, to their emotions. You don't simplify it. Curt's feelings about Brian are complex. He doesn't just hate him. And what he feels won't go away in just a couple of days. And Mandy is a sweetheart. She deserved better. They all deserved better. Curt and Jack together in Berlin was so intriguing to me, when I watched it. I wanted more of it, and I was left wondering what could have happened for them (mostly Curt, I admit) to be at the place of releasing that album after all that went down. I also found it interesting how you were writing about Brian after his fake death. I've been curious about how Curt and Jack and Mandy really reacted to that after. And his flower stunt was such a Brian thing to do. Anyway. Just a lot of random thoughts.

I'm so curious to "These Vintage Years". First of all, you get Velvet Goldmine so well. All of the characters, their lifestyle, their complicated feelings. Second, more of Curt? (And maybe more of Mandy and Jack, even if a little?). Third of all, Arthur. I actually really like him. He's sort of the easiest character to relate to. Because he was a fan. So starstruck with these apparently bigger-than-life artists that the toxicity of it all just pulls him closer, actually. His curiosity lingers anyway, and it might just kill the cat (or his relationship with Curt, it seems). I like them together. Do you? I'm all for them being complicated, though. And fifth or sixth, I don't know anymore: Shannon. I'm weirdly, very, very curious about her. What the fuck happened to that woman. She begun so differently. And why was she crying about Curt and Brian? And maybe you'll be touching more on how Brian became Tommy Stone? Seeing that through a modern lens, it seems kind of unbelievable he could have pulled it off for as long as he did. Honestly, it hasn't been long since I've watched Velvet Goldmine and, if left me curious to more, you know? I wanted to know more about everything that was explicit or implict in that movie. So I'm really glad for your writing.

Hi Anon! Thank you so much for this message - I was reading it at the dinner table and grinning to myself hoping my family wouldn't notice lol. I'm gonna respond to your random thoughts as best as I can, but also feel free to message me if you ever want to discuss any of these things more.

First of all, yes, I did once write Beatles fic. It's on Wattpad, and it's highly cringe, because I started it when I was 14 (and never finished either of the two things I started). The Beatles are still my absolute favorite band and I still love reading Beatles fic, but I'm no longer interested in writing it, and the stuff I wrote is just so childish that I'd rather not share it here. It's still up on Wattpad, but I don't feel up to bringing that era of my fangirl-ness into this era lol. Very grateful, however, for having written it and for all the people that read it!

Your thoughts on "In Berlin" make me so happy. I wrote this fic because, like you, I wanted to know more about that period. How do we get from Curt leaving Brian to the Curt we see at Death of Glitter? The one that hugs Mandy in the wings? How do he and Jack meet? Or do they already know each other? How do they decide to work on a record together? How does everyone react to Brian's fake assassination? I needed those questions answered for myself. It's so wonderful to hear that you appreciate the emotion in the characters, and that you said it felt so real and un-simple. Hearing things like that make me feel so accomplished as a fanfic writer; these things I imagined and tried to bring to the page are actually coming across? That's insane.

You're so right - Curt, Jack, and Mandy all deserved better. They deserve to heal, and they deserve happiness and love and family. They're my favorite characters to write for (especially Curt) for that reason specifically. I get sad boi hours with them, but also so much tenderness and sweetness that they don't get to exhibit in the movie.

As to "These Vintage Years," I agree with you wholeheartedly about all the questions and plot points. How does Arthur's relationship with the 70s counter with Curt's, and how does that affect their relationship? (Don't worry, they'll definitely be together, because Ewan McGregor said so in a tweet. That's canon now.) I think Arthur and Curt is such an interesting relationship to explore particularly because of how different their experiences of the 70s were. I also am very curious about Shannon. There's so much there to unpack. The only problem is, for some reason right now I'm not feeling motivated to work on this story, so it'll unfortunately have to linger for a while. In the meantime, I started working (yesterday!) on another Curt/Jack/Mandy (aka The Berlin Polycule, as a few of us on here have dubbed it) story. That one might be out relatively soon because my brain is currently very invested in it. No promises though :)

One of the gifts of Velvet Goldmine is how many threads there are to pull. Todd Haynes injected so much detail into the movie, whether it's the characters, the costumes, the background sets, etc. There's just so much to dig into, and thus so much fodder for fanfic. I'm so glad my writing gave you an opportunity to explore the VG world some more, and I hope you dig through all the amazing fic that's out there, because what the VG fandom lacks in numbers, it more than makes up for in incredibly high-quality storytelling. Last year, before I started writing, I spent days just going through each fic I could find, and it was so much fun. I'd also recommend The Whole Shebang, a minute-by-minute podcast of the movie, because the hosts' deep look into the film definitely fueled my interest in it.

Thank you again for such a thoughtful and sweet message! I'm always down to talk about Velvet Goldmine - literally nothing would make me happier!

[kitten4sannie]

groupie anon back at it again!! also this nickname has me BLUSHING grhsfbksj also reading your replies is always so fun because I get to see my original message too (I have a terrible memory and so it's always a surprise for me too)

my rant is significantly shorter this time, though I do have to address one thing: calling yungi the 'twin towers' was FOUULL. it had me wheezing, that shit was hilarious and I will be using that from now on.

I write for different anime fandoms! (I feel like I gave my account away hahaha oh well, oopsie). see, I prefer writing fluff because it makes me blush and act even more delulu than I already am, but smut is your forte. you write it so well it makes me curl up into a ball and wonder what good I did in my life to deserve such immaculate pieces of literature.

also I spent almost all day at work today thinking about what I could write about for my first kpop fanfic and I've circled back to this one idea like 5 times.... sannie sick fic. SANNIE SICK FIC!!!!! no seriously imagine him all snotty and flushed, BEGGING to be cuddled but you can't because he's contagious, so you make him soup and tuck him in and he's so cute and soft and his hair is definitely greasy because he's been in bed for almost a week straight (but you give him a scalp massage because he's sannie and nothing can keep you away from him) but not even a yucky virus can stop his talkativeness and he keeps rambling until you shove a spoonful of soup into his mouth to shut him up and he's so FLIRTY like sir are you sick or are you drunk?? he's so in love and reader is just as in love with him back.

phew.

okay so sannie came up and suddenly I'm a liar for saying my rant would be shorter this time (isn't this the longest message I've sent so far??). I think you can tell why I enjoyed that san fic so much ahdbsjfbs he's got me in the tightest chokehold, there's nothing I wouldn't let him do. absolutely nothing, anything that was once off the table is very much on the table if he wishes it to be. the man can reach inside my body, pull out one of my kidneys, sell it, then fuck me into the mattress, and I would still get on my knees and beg to suck his dick afterwards. seonghwa, too, can treat me like I'm nothing but a couple holes to play with. I genuinely need to censor myself right now because if I say any more, the psych ward people might come for me.

also drummer jongho is so... yes. despite not reading any jongho fics, I will be found dead before I ever deny that that man does not give off the most attractive energy ever, but he's also a cute little teddy bear. personally, I love fics where he's my little brother hafjdbf, they're literally always the best ones ahaha.

uni started again for the year and I thought I'd be more busy with that and work, but I will personally make time to write that sannie fic because it's life or death at this point tbh. happiness doesn't come from grades, it comes from booseoksoon and sannie sick fics. also it would be nice to actually chat normally rather than through asks hahhaha.

until next time!! (I will read the valentine day hwa fic tonight, so you will probably get another message from me soon - I read the tags, I need a couple hours to mentally prepare for it)

P.S., my laptop crashed three times while I was writing this, but the universe will never stop me from sharing my love.

hey!! blushing pleaseee stop being so wholesome rn i can’t take it 😭😭 i love it too it’s like we’re public pen pals ;;;; pffff no same i have the memory of a fruit fly i prob won’t even remember what i typed out after i finish this sentence jshdgd

it was so foul fnrrrr but also so true!! i actually saw someone else on here use that term so kudos to them for coining that shit’s funny af and i’m glad you could get a good laugh out of it!

anime fandoms hmmmmm i’m gonna do a little investigating 👀🔍 ughhh i love fluff that shit makes me blush harder than hardcore smut i swear ??? pleasee you’re gassing me up sm it’s making me feel like debby ryan in that one movie 😭

little cut here

SICK SANNIE FIC ???? my third eye is open and my chakras are aligned like - you’re a genius dude!!! NOT FEEDING HIM SOUP AND GIVING HIM A SCALP MASSAGE AND HES ALL FLUSHED AND HES STILL FLIRTINGGGG EVEN THOSE HES DYING THATS SO FUCKING SWEET IM GETTING A CAVITY RN,, sorry for yelling but damn son

BROOOO I CANT - the thirstiness for san is so fucking relatable it hurts like i swear i’ve never been down this bad for anyone before but i would actually sell my soul to lucifer himself rn just to be a hole for that man but honestly anyone and everyone in ateez could get 25/8 and it’s cool the psych ward is knocking at my door as we speak 💅🏼

jongho was actually my very first bias!! his stage presence and voice during the their first mama performance (which was the first ateez thing i ever saw) blew me away and THEN i find out he’s the sweetest, softest, most respectful man to ever exist ??? and his gummy smile broooo holy shit

i hope uni and work goes well! exactly you should do the things you love 💕 feel free to send me a message! i don’t bite <3 i hope you enjoy it! i don’t blame you every time i see a tag for sub hwa my brain feels a little fuzzy ngl. i’m sorry it crashed ;; i appreciate you sharing it with me 💜

nooo i’m sorry it crashed! my phone closes tumblr all the time when i’m in the middle of typing and it takes years off my life 😔 god you’re so sweet 😭

[randomclovertheblog]

clover :( i hope you're doing okay clover and i'm so so so sorry i wasn't here to talk to you when things got rough... is there any chance you'd be comfortable with exchanging socials, just for us to keep up with each other, and officially introduce ourselves to each other? or would you prefer to talk like this? or would you rather take some time off, and we can talk when you come back? whichever one you prefer, i'm okay with it and i just hope that you're doing okay 🩷 thank you for checking up on me too, clover :') i'm doing.. okay

but it's really not about me, please let me know how you're doing! it really sucks that when i finally come back, that's the first thing i see :(

also i'm praying you still use this blog! i'll send you messages here from now onwards (as long as you say okay) to give your sickfic blog a needed hiatus!

i'm also sorry i was one of the anons who sent you requests and potentially added your stress. i love you and i'll read the jongho fic when im all comfy in bed tonight!

also, clover i told you this so many times before and i wish there was a better way to do so without sounding boring and repetitive and insincere because of how many times ive said it. but thank you for your writing. it's brought me a lot of comfort. more comfort than you can ever imagine.

most importantly, thank you for being you clover. we don't even know each other's real names (yet(?)) but i really, genuinely, think of you as a good friend 🩷

i love you clover 🍀

your favourite anon jjongdong

hi jjongdong! you're so sweet to worry. I'm doing okay, I promise! The therapy I'm doing is a type of exposure therapy, so that's why I need to go in for so long and so often. My overall mental health is okay, really <3

As for socials, I would say yes but I don't really have any XD I have instagram, so I'd be happy to exchange socials there if you have it too, but to be honest I'm on tumblr more often - although I'm totally open to talking on instagram! Maybe it can be a jumping off place between other platforms since we can message more privately and neither of us have to put our contact info into a post. But either way, I'll still be on here to message people and such, I just won't have time to write fics for a while, so don't worry! I'll still be here. I'd love to talk more often! Lmk what socials you have and we can try to figure out something

I'm sorry you don't seem to be doing great. I wish I could help. Please let me know if there's anything at all that I can do. I'm thinking about you <3 I'm always here to talk if you'd like, so don't ever hesitate to contact me! And please don't worry about requesting stuff! It really does make me happy to see that people like my writing and want more of it - I'm just sorry I can't deliver on that right now.

and it does not sound boring or insincere at all! I'm so so flattered. I'm really grateful that my writing has had an impact on somebody <3

Oh, you're gonna make me cry DX Thank you for being you too! I'm glad you think of me as a good friend because that's exactly how I think of you. I'm always excited to hear from you and I think about you!

love you too <3

[romana-after-dark]

Heyo, it's the anon from earlier who read the main TWW story last night. I just read Going Under and it was great!

The ending was really nice despite joel not facing any real consequences. Didnt really feel like a darker ending, but I get it.

I usually stop reading stories once pregnancy comes up, but this was so good that I had to keep reading. I had to know what mc would do with her circumstances (I lowkey thought she was gonna kill joel at some point)

I love mc's confession to maria about the manipulation and I love that mc now controls the whole town!

In this timeline, Tommy brings up alot of... conflicting feelings for me.

(SPOILERS BELOW)

Now personally..... I don't think I'd ever forgive tommy for getting with june and falling under Joel's orders again... but that's just cos I was rooting for tommy to end up with little one the whole time in the main canon story 😬

I'm glad she called him out on his bs though. Maria and little one deserved better.

But I also really liked Tommy's little speech to ellie.

(When I was talking about confrontation between tommy, joel, and little one in my previous mssg, I meant the one where tommy was forced to leave for a bit. Not the one from this timeline. Just in case there was any confusion...)

BUT MY BOY LORENZO?! AND ZACK?! OUCH 😭 Unforgivable imo.

Also, I just saw that the anniversary for this fic is coming up! And you're re-writing it! That's great! I'll be seated.

Idk if I'll read Ellie's story in the canon timeline, but you'll probably see another one of these long ass messages if I do.

Lmk if these mssgs are too much. It's all just my thoughts at 2am. I can stop or shorten them.

Side note: I just realized just how many of your stories I've been keeping up with accross your accounts. Love your work 👍🏼 I hope you have a peaceful break.

Hello!!!!!

First of all, they are absolutely not too much. I really love long comments like this, especially talking about little details, like Tommy talking to baby Ellie about another life, he would’ve been her dad. I wrote going under after I wrote ghost of you, Ellie story where Tommy steps up for Ellie and takes care of her and loves her so much so that was emotional for me and having to split the two universes.

I will say that you absolutely do not have to read ghost of you. There’s little one, there’s no smut, nothing like that, so I understand if it’s not your thing however, I do think it really wraps the story together really nicely and shows everyone’s life together coming through And I think it really makes for a satisfying end, but again not required at all

If you’re curious about life after little ones death, but don’t want to read Ellie‘s whole thing, or if you think you want to read Ellie‘s story, there’s three bonus chapters that focus on Tommy, Lorenzo, and Zach and their life with little Ellie. One, better than revenge, I think is a particular good epilogue if you want to feel some sort of justice in the world that I created there, just once wanting to see one of the bad guys lose.

And yes, today is officially the day that the wrong way was first put out a year ago and I’ll be really leasing a brief bonus chapter with some insight into Tommy, Jack, and Lorenzo, and kind of life for the Raiders

And I’m rewriting it, hoping to publish it as a dark novel, with a few minor changes it’s already in a U, so it’s not like it’s a rip off of the last of us or anything, but things like the twist when it makes sense, and of course the names will be changed

Fun fact, reworking, is that the baby will be born a boy, which is why Joel is so willing to give up the baby. He wanted a daughter, essentially to replace Sarah, so he’s not uninterested in the baby boy, but I think it makes more sense because In the wrong way it really didn’t make a lot of sense for Joel to let Tommy go so easily with Ellie. But to be completely honest with you that series could be difficult to write emotionally and I just didn’t have it in me to draw out the scene longer, and I rationalize it was in shock and triggered by little one dying in his arms.

And although the wrong way was technically a dark ending as Joel got what he wanted, and Lorenzo and Zach and Jack and Maura all died. I was really proud of little one in the end with being able to stand up to Tommy, Maria, and especially Joel for her family. She made the best choice that she could make in the best life that she can make for her family and for her children and making a better world for the children of their little town now. People won’t have to suffer the way that her and Zack suffered.

I appreciate you so so much and for your kind words right now, and I hope you’ll check out the bonus chapter when it comes out!

You are so loved 💕

[mahariel-s]

hi it's me again <3 i would love to come off anon but it's likely that you don't remember me so i don't wanna intrude! especially because i was going through a huge depressive episode (school + life in general plus they gave me the wrong meds) so after being absolutely insufferable for a while one day i just deactivated twitter and tumblr and said to hell with it lol. but i'm doing okay now. i wish i could go back and tell to our younger selves there's hope. AND YEAH gods did you see the state of fandoms on twitter? idrc about mervel or thorloki anymore but damn people are out for BLOOD. like chill... pet a flower or something, it's pixels on a screen. smh. anyways thank you for your beautiful response! <3

in the interest of being totally honest, there's quite a bit that i don't remember from mid-2017 onwards until maybe late 2018?? asjfdslg my sister died and it was a very traumatic time and it's like trying to look through a silent hill extra fog mod BUT THAT SAID,

i don't think it would be intruding if you came off anon :3 even if i don't remember you, i'd like to know you now -- if you were cool with that ofc -- because!!! yolo!!!!! we really only live once and you are so kind and what's the freaking harm!!! it sounds like we had/have a lot in common <3

i'm really glad to hear you're doing ok now. i reached a similar point of Done, where i deleted my blog and pretty much went private mode on all social media and stopped engaging in fandom. i hope you've been being kind to yourself, removing oneself from social media during times of tumult is like the absolute pinnacle of self-care when you think about it 😭 it's just so harddd and can feel so isolating

the current state of fandoms everywhere is why i don't really branch out? i want to make a ton of new friends but i'm so tired of discourse lmao, i see some topics that are p much verbatim BATTLES we would have back in 2012, and i'm like, "we fought this so y'all didn't have to!!!!! find our old posts!!!! stay strong~!!!" LMFAO ;-; but i just step back. to quote my 7th grade history teacher, "History has a tendency to repeat itself." Thank u mr. wiseman. yes, his last name was wiseman. no, i don't know if he changed it to that but he was a very wise old man and us kids could not get over the fact his name was what he also embodied. anyway

(this is an open invitation to say hi btw anyone reading LMAO I JUST DON'T LIVE FOR DRAMA SO I WILL STAY OUT OF IT IF IT COMES UP)

sorry for RAMBLING LMAOOO i'm here if you ever wanna come off anon and talk <333 i hope you have a wonderful week, i really appreciate receiving these messages + i look forward to hearing from u :333 (do NOT read that in a corporate email ' i look forawrd to ur future correspondence' way but in a cooler, Less Stressful way)

[guiltywisdom]

Hi, it's the anon from before with the whole, um, CSEM art situation, I guess you could call it. I thought you might appreciate an update.

The police have launched an investigation into this. The consistency of the art makes it clear that there was another victim, but trying to pinpoint who she is will take time. At first they thought maybe it was referenced off of me, but then they found posts of the art on another site where my abuser had spoken to someone in the comments and indicated that she and I were different people (he called us "both of his girls", which is so creepy, like he thought he owned us). So they do believe me and they are looking for the other victim, because even if she doesn't want to press charges she and her family need to know that they can and know the art is still circulating.

My foster parents are pretty exasperated with me. I promised for years that I wasn't seeking out and having art of me taken down and that I wouldn't keep obsessing over it. Instead I did. My foster dad figured out the password to my laptop, looked at my internet history and was just horrified by how much time I'd been spending on this. He asked how long I was spending per day looking into things and when I said, honestly, about two hours a day, he put his head in his hands and just looked tired. He's not angry. My foster mom thinks she's to blame for not getting me more involved in more hobbies and helping me have a better social life that would keep me from doing this. We're all probably going to have to sit down and have a talk with my therapist about this.

My therapist is really disappointed that I've been lying to her about not digging into this stuff regularly, but she forgives me. She says a common trauma response is a need to please people that results in lying about your failings to them. It's more grace and kindness than I deserve, for sure.

I have actually stopped spending anxious nights curled up digging up every single image hosting site I can find looking for things, now. Now that I know there were two of us he hurt and the police are looking for the other girl, I can breathe. It's like... you know how in video games, you'll get a little message saying a quest is complete? It feels like that. Like I did what I needed to do. I still want to look things up, but then I think, well, it'll be there later when I'm less freaked out. And I know the other girl is having the crimes against her taken seriously. When I'm feeling awful and hateful about myself, I remember that and I feel like maybe I'm not useless after all. Maybe I can do good things, even if I made mistakes along the way. And no one thought I was a pervert or a freak for being on those sites and no one was angry with me. People heard me out.

If you can pray for the other girl, I think she needs it right now more than me. She was hurt for years and never got justice and I don't even know if she knows about the art or that it's circulating. And some of it makes it look like he started hurting her when she was in diapers. I can't imagine what that's like. God has put people in my life who will be there for me even when I make mistakes and do things I promised not to, who will offer up grace and understanding. I don't know if this other girl has that. I hope she does. I hope God brings nothing but blessings and justice into her life.

Sorry for such a long update. I just wanted to update you so you didn't think anything bad happened. Things went well, more or less. Now we just need to trust in God for justice for the other victim of this awful pedophile.

I'm glad things are working out my sibling in Christ, I'm happy that you have these people in your life who care about you; you do deserve kindness and grace, everyone does. Hopefully this can be taken care of and you can move past this all and direct your energy towards something you truly enjoy. I'll pray for everyone involved. Christ is Risen.

[theveil-and-thepath]

A MESSAGE FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND - PAC n°09

Hi! Remember that good friend you once had? The one you played with at school, your neighbor, a distant cousin that you no longer talk to, the kids who shared their table at lunch for a couple of months and then you grew apart? Or the one that was simply your other half! Think of that special someone who was once very close to you and...

PICK A PICTURE

⭐ This is 100% entertainment. Please don’t take it seriously. Take what fits, discard what doesn’t. I welcome anon/ not anon feedback. I wish you a beautiful day and a rainbow of light ⭐

Pile 1

(the world (the tower, wheel of fortune, the moon), ace of pentacles (strength, devil, ace of cups), nine of wands (ten of cups, nine of cups, five of swords))

These are positive messages from their higher self focused on the good moments of the past, and what they'd tell you about your present and future.

We were together all the time! They never understood how we spent so much time together, how even our pets got along. Back then, I saw our connection in everything, even when we were apart it was something that made me more secure, more confident. I remember going to the supermarket with my mother and talking to her about your opinion of what we saw on the shelves, I asked her to buy snacks that you'd like to eat when you came over, we talked about the movies we had watched, and you were in my mind for most of the day. I'm glad I had you there with me. It feels like fate, looking back, that you were there, even when things were confusing at home and one of us could move to a different house or city, change schools, we used to talk more to each other than with our siblings. So I want to thank you for being there to share laughter with me, to create a world of our own, apart from all else. It made life much more magical.

It is a very important time in your life now, it's like you just got a new piggy bank and you're excited to fill it so I'd like to say to treat this new phase in your life just like if it was a piggy bank because all of your experiences will pay off. Do you remember how you made plans to use the coins you'd save? Try to be just as excited, because not all coins are money and some are new friends you'll make along the way. My message for you right now is keep fighting, don't think for a second that you will not accomplish your goals just because you see some challenges ahead, try to be as excited as you once were and don't be discouraged, because there are good things coming that will make you feel happy.

I see you're cautious to step ahead. Please, don't be. Do you remember when you were sad when we were kids, because things did not turn your way, but soon after you got a big surprise and you almost forgot the previous setback? This is what can happen for you now, people may talk, people may want to do the same, envy you, but your caution will be rewarded. I don't mean next month, although it could be, what I feel for you are some very happy moments, moments we daydreamed of when we played, the good scenarios we made up when we played pretend, those will come true one day. You may not see it now, but you used to see it then, relive your strongest aspirations and keep them very safe in your heart, the universe kept them safe in the universe's piggy bank, and this one's unbreakable. The waves we've been through, you are learning how to navigate through them, you're growing up and you're gonna be the big person you once wanted to be!

Pile 2

(the world (the tower, wheel of fortune, the moon), ace of pentacles (strength, devil, ace of cups), nine of wands (ten of cups, nine of cups, five of swords))

These are positive messages from their higher self focused on the good moments of the past, and what they'd tell you about your present and future.

I remember we used to like to sit on the steps of the stair at school and they kept telling us to leave ther, sitting on the floors or corners to have a snack, sitting on the hallway to talk and wait for the next class, sit on the grass, we just did not like to sit properly on chairs! These moments are very sweet, I love to have in my memory the times when we had more people with us, and we talked so much! Even if we were quiet in class or in front of adults or other kids, when we were together we just could not keep our mouths shut, and we had such big plans, we spoke as if we were experts on things, as if the world would be ours, in the future, to discover. I remember school, but not homework, I remember PE and one time when the school took us on a trip, it didn't turn quite like we expected because we had made so many plans for it, but I still cherish the time we sent together, even if we did not have as much time unsupervised as we desired, often there was an adult nearby; still, good times.

Now the present is a lot more solid and less flexible than what we expected, right? But it looks very good, from the eyes of other people and it makes it all so much harder to change and choose. Nobody is going to make this decision for you, but you will be well guided by your intuition, if you look at me asking a question, I'll look back at you and raise my eyebrows because you may know the answer or will soon find out.

Have you imagined what a situation would be if one of us ever became the parent of that extra annoying little boy we used to talk about so often! Oh that sounds like a nightmare, I hope I'm making things up, but maybe one day, despite what we used to say and dream about, we're gonna be parents or at least god-parents because all I can see is a hyperactive and extra-loved kid running around. Maybe it's not a kid and it simply means you're gonna find your passion again, reignite some dreams that were dormant, be the queen you wanted to be, be less afraid of choices and of facing the consequences of your decisions. Regardless, it seems like people will look up to you, people younger than you will want to act like you do. You should think more highly of yourself, because you will be a model for people in the future, you may even be now. I looked up to you in a sense, I admired the way you behaved and until today I carry some of you in my mannerisms and tastes, so don't forget that people see the start in you more than you expect. I wish you'll live a very bright life and make many people smile around you!

Pile 3

the emperor (wheel of fortune, the sun, knight of sowrds), nine of pentacles (page of swords, two of wands, none of swords), the world (knight of wands, the tower, the magician)

These are positive messages from their higher self focused on the good moments of the past, and what they'd tell you about your present and future.

I feel like we were family. At the times we were close, I felt like your parents were my parents and maybe you felt the same, as if we had to respond to the same person. I asked your parents on the phone if you could come over and you always said yes, we had a good time together and I wish we could've spent more time having fun. I missed you in my everyday life, you made me laugh and you taught me tricks. People forget how we learn small things from friends, like the way they wash cups, or if they put their sup on the sink after they use it, or how they fold their bed sheets, I have these memories from you. Our time together felt like a movie, but it ended like and old song that fades away slowly until you can't hear anything. But i did think of you after we grew apart, even when it didn't make sense to call, I sometimes wondered where you were. I wasn't jealous of our friends,it never bothered me that you may have other friends and love them and have as much of a good time with them. I've met new people, none like you. Funny how it really feels like a movie, when I tell myself what we used to do it's like i'm telling myself a story because I can't go back and live these moments again, but I want to know that I love you very very much. I don't know if I used to say that to you, but I can't take you away from me, you helped me be who I am today, you were there when life poured the foundation of my life and your presense was like a good anchor. Thank you, it felt very good to be close to you.

You grew up to be as beautiful as everyone expected, in fact, I think you turned out to look better than you thought you would. You have a very sunny presence, it's soothing and joyful at the same time and you help people, your words help people like they helped me once. I don't want you to cry about anything, it breaks my heart when I see you in agony, worried about people who don't deserve you. If i could, I would ask my past self to show up in your dreams, come running to meet you and hug your waist with my short arms! I love you so so much that it's even confusing sometimes, I really admired you, when I saw pictures of you all grown up I wanted to be just like you. But please don't take this for envy, it is just that feeling you have when you have a crush, but it's a friendship crush. You are far away but sometimes I wish I could dream with the past, with our plays and games. You are so so amazing that I somehow can't contain this urge to fangirl you. All I have to say is go ahead, you can have the world in your hands and if anyone makes you cry tell me and I'll cut them off your life.

You will have a breakthrough and you will be able to do what you want. When things change, don't be surprised, it'll be in your favor. I don't have much more to say here, but that you can conquer things, no wonder I already admired you from such a young age, all I want to do is keep cheering on you, encouraging you, telling you to prepare and keep studying, keep working, because your hands can make things change and come true, so work with them. I'm sorry, I simply think you're amazing, you have everything, you are everything.

*guys, read this platonically, but if any of you ever turned out to be lgbt i would not be surprised, this pile was very sweet but also intense (like the kid who's their friend's biggest fan). Maybe this friend was a younger cousin or younger sibling, idk, it's strong but very tender too. I feel I was called to do this PAC rn because of this pile. While the others had mixed messages, like I got different messages from different situations, this one was so clear and I can say this kid loved you so much! For some people, this childhood best friend can very well develop a crush on you rn if they saw you, but please this is so specific that I'd be surprised if it happened to anyone at all.

Pile 4

(three of wands (ten of pentacles, queen of wands, king of wands), the world (the devil, the magician, the tower), ten of cups (ace of cups, queen of wands, four of pentacles))

These are positive messages from their higher self focused on the good moments of the past, and what they'd tell you about your present and future.

We used to wait so we could meet, or we waited until one of our families came to visit because they gave one of us cool gifts and toys. We wanted to play together, and it felt like Christmas when we met to play, it's like at someone's place they let us run wild and have a lot of fun, it wasn't like this every day. It was very special to meet you, I built a lot of expectation for every meeting we had. We got along very well, like two air signs or two fire signs together, I bet we had an amazing synastry for kid's play, because you're the ultimate play date and I would not trade our moments for anything.

The world right now is a lot less calm, there's a lot to do and you feel like you can't keep up with it. Maybe it'll be a good time to remember it hasn't been like this all the time and you will feel less alone in the future, and will have less worries in the future. I don't want you to worry about money or wish you had as much as you once had, there are some phases in life that are difficult, but if we wait and continue we will see the light ahead. I see a future so bright for you, one in which you will be just as happy as I was by your side; if you look forward to meeting your future self as much as I used to look forward to meeting you, you will not be dissapointed. You will be like the people you admired, powerful and strong, capable of much and you will witness kids growing up. There will be enough love, enough money, and health. The abundance will either return or make its way into your life. I can't stress it enough, it's like the fairytale wedding or the fairytale trip, house, family, friends, a very blissful time awaits somewhere in the future and all I wish is you have friends that make you feel as good as you made me feel, even if we were not side by side everyday for a long time. Good luck!

* Im sorry this last pile was so short, but i didn't get much more from it, maybe another pile will complete the message.

image source: William-Adolphe Bouguereau (if you let me i'll only do PACs with his paintings because he's my favourite) At the edge of the creek, Pêche pour les grenouilles, A Childhood Idyll, Les noisettes

👑⭐🌙⭐👑.👑⭐🌙⭐👑.👑⭐🌙⭐👑

[teasty]

hold on tight || b.c (m)

"hi! can you write something about streetracer!chan x f reader where things got heated up 🥺🥺 i really like your works by the way, kiss yourself really is one of my jisung’s fav fic !!" - anon

a/n: holyashjdljzhldsa just the thought of streetracer!chan makes me... omg i don’t even KNOW, i'd actually go crazy... and omg tysm! that means so much to me :,( and you're gonna have to excuse me since there's so many things heated could mean i'm just gonna make it angsty and smutty,, also kinda went off for a fluffy ending because it's bang chan, the christiano bangnaldo, how can i not???

● pairing: bang chan x (fem) reader

● genre: a lil bit of fluff at the beginning | angst | smut (mdi!)

● warnings: chan acts like a dick but he really isn't | illegal gambling/street racing | established relationship | angry sex | (of course) car sex | hair pulling | degradation + praise | dom!chan, sub!reader | fighting :( | semi - public sex | profanity | suggestive dialogue | reader slaps chan once :( | unprotected sex (please be safe!) | choking | kind of a quickie???? | super happy ending because i'm sappy like that

● requested? yes!

● words: 8.7k

→ summary:

You’ve never known about your boyfriend’s secret and very illegal job, if you could even call it that.

"Shut up, buckle up and hold on tight 'cause it's gonna be one hell of a night for us, darling."

It’s a cold, rainy night. You’re waiting comfortably on the couch, sitting there wrapped up in one of Chan’s blankets, waiting ever so patiently for his return. He’s not usually out this late, neither did his job usually end this late. Your mind was getting the worst kinds of ideas as you held your phone in your hand, more worry than anger coming over you. You couldn’t be mad at him, really, you were just worried something happened to him, since he wasn’t picking up your calls or even looking at your texts.

It’s around midnight, and you swore you wouldn’t sleep until you watched Chan, in all his glory, walk through the front door of your guys’s shared apartment. You’ve been dating Chan for years, ever since high school. And, now, even after graduating college and finding a stable job and apartment, Chan still tended to keep things from you. It was a bad habit of his, yes, but you couldn’t really be too mad at him for it. Besides, you’ll be able to help him out of that habit. Once he comes back, at least.

To wait, you decided to watch a bit of television to let your mind wander from the thought of something bad happening to Chan. Of course, the subtle thought of him cheating crossed your mind a few times, but Chan’s only ever been the most loyal and dedicated boyfriend, even past his pretty hard shell. He acts pretty tough sometimes, but you know that he’s just a little bit insecure about himself on the inside. Which, to you, is completely normal. Everyone’s at least a little bit insecure. You couldn’t blame him for that.

Getting with Chan was actually very difficult at first. You both had a rocky start before you started dating, since Chan was kind of like the cliche popular bad boy, and you were the snarky book nerd. You both started off arguing and bickering about everything. But, when you both got closer and closer, you began to see a softer, kinder side to him. And, like magic, you two started dating. You don’t really remember how it happened. It might’ve been just Chan saying, “Wanna date me?” or something like that just ‘cause it’s simple. However, getting it past your parents about your relationship with Chan was the most difficult in the world. They did not approve of him whatsoever. Even today, they’re still cautious of him even though Chan’s already proven his loyalty to you and swore to your parents that he’d never lay an aggressive finger on you.

You’re parents didn’t really like him because of his choice of outfits and friends, which was a stupid way to judge somebody in your opinion. So, no matter how many times they tried to break things off or distance you from Chan, you two always found your way back to each other. Though it was fun, all the sneaking out at three in the morning, saying you’re going over to a friends house when you’re really going to go see Chan and all the late night calls in a hushed tone, you’re glad you can finally relax about it and live peacefully with Chan without the need to sneak around.

But, your mind hasn’t been so peaceful these last few hours. There’s still no sign of Chan and no opened messages. You gave up on calling him after the fifth call had gone unanswered, and just decided to wait. Clutching your phone to your chest in case he were to call or text. Your eyes switch between the screen and the front door (which led into the living room).

You nearly jumped out of your blanket when your phone started ringing obnoxiously loud. Your heart beat loudly as you scrambled to look at the caller’s I.D. And, thankfully, it’s Chan. You’ve never answered so quickly.

“Chan?” Your excited voice squeaked out when you brought the phone close to your ear, a bright smile etching over your lips. Just happy that he’s in contact with you.

“Hey, darling,” Chan’s voice was husky and tired, and a little deeper than you remember. He must be exhausted, and you wondered if he had to stay late at work, “I’m so sorry for being out late. I’ll be home soon.”

“Alright… Is everything okay? What were you doing out so late?” You ask carefully, wrapping the blanket tightly around you.

“Work. My boss had me work over time. I would have texted you, but I was pretty busy,” in the distance, you can hear the sound of his car’s engine. He must be driving pretty fast. Chan also has a really nice car he saved up for and worked really hard for. It’s a smaller, good looking and really, really fast car. You could recognize that engine anywhere.

“Oh… I’m sorry about that,” You respond after a moment.

“It’s alright. Nothing to worry too much over,” you can hear Chan’s smile even through the phone, “And, by the way, could you do something for me before I get home?”

“Sure.”

“Could you make me something small to eat? I didn’t have the chance to eat dinner at work. If you could do that, that’d be so great, baby.” Chan says, and you get up off of the couch. Already heading for the kitchen.

“I could make you some jjajangmyeon? We have all the ingredients,” you say, surfing through your pantry.

“That’d be great, (Y/N). Thank you,” Chan sighs through the phone, and you pull out the ingredients.

“Of course. When will you be home?” You ask before he could hang up.

“I’ll be home in the next ten to fifteen minutes, at the least.” He says, and you can hear the engine get a little bit louder behind him, “I have to focus on the road. I’ll be home soon. I love you, baby.”

“Love you, too, Chan.” You respond, and hang up. Now with the satisfaction and the relief of knowing Chan’s coming home, you separate the ingredients out and start cooking (thank god you took that home economics class back in high school. You couldn’t cook for shit before that). Since Jjajangmyeon is a pretty slow cooked dish, you try your best with temperature control to fit it into the timeframe for when Chan gets home, wanting it to be ready for him.

You had your hair tied back as you cooked, occasionally looking up to watch the television, which was still on the random news channel from before. It talked about things you weren’t too interested in, so you only kept it on for background noise.

You were so immersed in cooking, you didn’t even notice the door slamming open and closed and a pair of heavy footsteps walking up to the kitchen. You jumped when Chan’s arms wrapped around your waist, his chin planting itself on your shoulder. He laughs tiredly at your reaction, and you turn to give him a subtle glare, but your smile deceived you.

“Hey, baby. I’m sorry for coming home so late. I promise it wasn’t my intention,” Chan grumbles out, his words low and slightly slurred, mostly because he’s tired.

“It’s alright, don’t apologize,” you chuckle softly as you arrange two portions of the jjajangmyeon into two different bowls. Chan watches silently over your shoulder, “I’m just glad you’re home. You worried me. Please text me next time, before you stay overtime and don’t bother texting me. I worry a lot, you know?”

“I know, (Y/N). I know you worry too much for your own good,” Chan smiles softly, chuckling tiredly, “It’s one of the reasons I love you so much.”

You smile, flustered, and raise a warm hand to press against Chan’s cheek, turning your head to press a loving kiss to his temple, which is cold, even in the warm kitchen. “Dinner’s ready. Do you want to eat in bed?”

“Not if you’ll make me do the dishes directly afterwards,” Chan lets go of you to take his dish, and you take yours.

You cock a brow at him, “I was going to make you do them anyways. You’re not getting out of it that easily.” You giggle and tap his nose with the tip of your finger. “Come on. Take mine, too. I’ll shut everything down.” You hand your bowl to Chan, who takes it quickly as you scurry around, turning off the television. Turning off lights and putting the dishes in the sink.

Once Chan’s changed into more comfortable wear and you’re both comfortable in bed, watching some show on the TV while eating. Time at home was usually like this; relaxing. You’re cuddled up to Chan while he ate slowly. Once you both finished, you placed them on the nightstands for the time being.

Chan was asleep instantly. You were up a bit longer, still a bit run on adrenaline from worrying so much earlier, despite knowing you have to be up early for work. Chan didn’t have to work till the afternoon, but you had to be up early since you’re a librarian at the local public high school. Chan’s an assistant producer and works under a decently big entertainment company. It’s quite the drastic difference, but you being a pretty big book worm yourself, you decided it would be fun to be a librarian (mostly using your literature degree), even if it’s stressful at times. Chan’s work, however, is much more tedious than your own. Where you can usually go at your own pace, he has more strict deadlines and sometimes more difficult work.

So, you let Chan sleep on your stomach. His arms wrapped around you securely as his face nuzzled into the soft fabric of the oversized shirt you were wearing. You were up a bit longer, watching the TV while running your hands through Chan’s soft hair. Enjoying the moment for the time being before you, yourself, drifted off into a deep sleep.

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

You were the first one to wake up the next morning, per usual. You woke up to your alarm that Chan thankfully slept through. You got ready as quickly and quietly as you could. Since you work in a pretty professional environment, you wear something modest, but fits well with the fall weather and your fashion style. You wore a white long sleeved shirt and a pair of black slacks under a jacket with your university’s logo on it and a pair of sneakers. They weren’t too big on dress code for the teachers at the school, but the students still had to wear uniforms.

Before you left, you made Chan lunch for the day and yourself a lunch. You even bothered to wake him up briefly to give him a kiss goodbye and that you’ll be back early afternoon, although he’ll probably be at work, then. Chan, although three fourths asleep, gave you a tight hug and a kiss with a slurred ‘Love you’ before plopping back onto the bed and instantly falling back asleep.

Although Chan had quite the expensive car, he wasn’t quite fond of you driving it. You have your own car, and it’s fine. Mostly used to drive to and from work and nothing more, since most other things you were with Chan, so you both usually took his car. It’s not so much a matter of richer and poorer, his car just had more little trinkets and things that are just more convenient. You’re not completely sure what model his car is, all you know is that it’s expensive.

The school isn’t too far. It’s actually a ten minute drive from your apartment. You have to make it there pretty early, so the roads aren’t jam packed like they would be when Chan has to drive to work. So, you have a bit of an advantage there. When you get there, you’re met with the people in the front office, who bow respectfully to you, and you make your way to the library.

You set up at the large, round desk. You especially like being a librarian, because it’s quiet. You don’t think you’d do too well as a teacher, so you settled for a librarian since it was a good and easy way to use your literature degree and put it to good use, other than the fact you’re writing a novel, but that’s a whole other story (hehet).

It’s about half an hour before some students pile in, bidding you good morning and sitting down at the tables to study for whatever assignment or test they have, or to finish homework. Some of them go around to look at books, but most just sit by their lonesome and work on whatever while blasting profane music into their poor ears.

You were busying yourself going through overdue books, and emailing parents about student’s overdue books. You were immersed in your work, so you were somewhat shocked when someone tapped your shoulder. When you turned, you were met with the smiling face of your coworker. A middle aged, pretty woman named Jung Migyeong, who gave you the permission to call her ‘unnie’. She’s considerably your work - best friend. She’s the only person who really delved into conversation with you, unlike most of the other teachers who only talked to you about whatever book they’re class reading or for book suggestions (and you just choose the first book in the library that comes to mind).

“Oh, you scared me!” You giggle in a hushed tone, and Eunmi smiled brightly, her motherly aura giving you a sense of calmness.

“Sorry, sorry!” Eunmi sits on your desk, more leaning against it. Eunmi is really a pretty lady. Her hair is cut short to her shoulders, and she never wears makeup. Her natural tone is without blemishes or acne. She always wears pretty dresses to work, and she always carries around her purse for some odd reason. “I wanted to catch up with you. I didn’t realize you were so immersed in your work. I should’ve known, you’re more responsible than half the teachers here.”

“I try, I really do,” You respond, leaning back in the chair and smiling up at her, “Do you have a free period for the first hour?”

Eunmi nods, “Yes, I do. They switched it up just ‘cause of something wrong in the student's schedules. But, that’s past the point. How have things been going? In the home life?”

You shrug a shoulder, your smile dropping, “It’s… going. My boyfriend didn’t come home until, like, twelve - thirty last night. He said he had to stay late for work, but I don’t get it, Eunmi. He wouldn’t answer my calls or texts, and I don’t think his job prevents him from at least opening a text until he gets off, you know?”

“You said he’s a producer, right?” Eunmi asks, her head tilting down to look at you more clearly. You nod, “Well, he might’ve been busy with the idol. It’s pretty difficult work, I’m surprised he’s been able to keep up with it well.”

“Well, he came home hungry and tired,” you sigh again, “Which is weird because if he stays late he usually grabs something from the kitchen at the company building or fast food and eats it before he comes home. But, he was hungry… not super hungry, but I made him jjajangmyeon.”

"Jajangmyeon?" Eunmi’s head tilts, and one brow lifts and she scoffs, “That’s like a fifty minute dinner.”

“Not if you toy around with the temperatures, no,” you smile, and Eunmi shrugs a shoulder, “Eh, I was the one who suggested it to him. It’s one of his favorites, and he sounded exhausted and overworked so I though, you know, might as well. But, after eating, he was out like a light. You wouldn’t think that producing would make someone so tired.”

“You never know,” Eunmi reassures, “You seem to be really worried about this. You don’t think he’s cheating, do you?”

You quickly shake your head, “No, no! I know him, and I know that he would never do that to me. I think he’s just trying to hide something from me. I’m not mad at him, I just don’t want him to keep anything from me.”

“You’re not mad… yet!” Eunmi corrects, and your lips purse, “If he’s really hiding something from you, it must be pretty big. I would personally be surprised if you were able to keep your temper if you found out whatever it is he’s hiding. Cheating or not.”

You’ve never really been one to get extremely mad or even start arguments. As said before, you and Chan did have petty arguments back in high school, but since then, you’ve both matured. Chan always shut down a fight if you were getting too agitated, and you were usually never the first one to start up an argument, since your patience isn’t as thin as before. You will admit, though, you’d be decently upset if you found out Chan really was hiding something from you. You trust him so much, you thought there should’ve been nothing to hide.

“I suppose you’re right,” you lean your head against your hand, resting your elbow on the desk, “If there’s a good chance, I’ll talk to him about it tonight. If I want things to really work out with him, then there has to be complete trust and honesty with each other.”

“That’s the spirit,” Eunmi proudly says, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with him, unnie,” you admit shamelessly, and Eunmi smiles wistfully, “I want to grow old with him. But I don’t want to live waking up every day at four in the morning and coming home to no one for hours on end. And, sometimes he won't come till midnight or morning.”

“Well, my husband and I used to have a lot of secrets, too. That we kept from each other,” Eunmi admits, reassuring you that you’re not the only one going through something like this, “The only way we were able to sort things through was by sitting down and talking to each other. Just telling all of our secrets to each other, even if they’re embarrassing or stupid. Just knowing the fact that we can trust each other with everything gives us that reassurance that we’re meant to be. Honesty is everything.”

You look down, thinking about the advice Eunmi had just given you, and you swallow down the growing lump of frustration in your throat, “Thank you for the advice, unnie. It means a lot to me.”

“Of course. I’m always free to talk, and you have my number if anything happens,” Eunmi smiles fondly, “And my doors are always open to you. I’ve spoken to my husband about you and he said that he’s always willing to keep our doors open. Just in case anything happens. You can’t be too careful, right?”

“Right,” you smile, flustered by Eunmi’s kindness, “Thank you so much. I’m… you’re right. If the worst of the worst happens and I’m booted out of my own apartment, then I’m at least glad to know that there’s some place I can go to that’s not three cities over.”

Eunmi laughs softly, and you laugh along with her, “I’m glad. Anyways, it’s about that time. I’m going to start heading back to my classroom. Let Chan know that I said hello, and that I wish you both well. Good luck, (Y/N).”

“Thanks, unnie. I’ll call you later,” you wave briefly as Eunmi makes her way out of the library, students bowing briefly to her as she passes.

You’re glad to have a friend like Eunmi. You’re lucky to have someone open their doors to you. Sometimes, you wonder if Eunmi views you as a younger sister, since she constantly rambles on and on about how she loves being called unnie or noona by her younger coworkers, even if she’s among the younger teachers. She’s like the sister you’ve never had. Sure, things had to be professional, but you’d like to spend more time with her out of the workplace. That would be fun.

The rest of the day is pretty slow. You had a few classes come in to pick up literature books, math books and to check out some books, but that was really it. You didn’t see Eunmi again, and left a few hours after the school closed. There was a bit of traffic on the way home, but it was mostly cleared up.

When you got home, you weren’t surprised to be met with an empty house. No sign of Chan, except the lunch you made him was gone, meaning he took it with him, thankfully, and he left a cute little note on a sticky note saying his thanks to you for making it for him. Which he usually did for you (you never bothered to throw them away. You actually kept them all in a little cigar box for safekeeping. Why? You didn’t know. You just felt like it.)

Like every day when you come home, you change into a pair of more comfortable clothing, which was just one of Chan’s hoodies you took out of his side of the closet, and a pair of ripped jeans. Since Chan didn’t do the dishes before he left, like you thought he would, you decided to do them to pass the time. In doing so, you turned on the TV for some background noise as you rolled up your sleeves to start scrubbing the dishes.

However, your attention was soon caught by the TV when the regular news anchor started talking about crime. At first, it was just about a robbery that took place in uptown, and that didn’t really suit your interest. What did catch your attention, enough to turn off the faucet and ignore the dishes to watch the TV, was when an all - too familiar black car with tinted windows and no license plate appeared on the screen, and there was a red car, too, but you didn’t recognize that one.

You turned up the volume, “Today, police are trying to look for these cars with no license plates caught on camera last night. They were suspected to be illegally street racing and gambling last night at around eleven o’ clock at night before being caught on security footage of a hotel nearby. If you can identify these cars, please contact the police immediately. One has been identified as a black Ferrari SF90 Stradale. The other has yet to be identified. If you see anything suspicious on the streets, please contact authorities. Here’s a clearer picture of both cars.”

And, that’s when it sparked you. One of the pictures of the black Ferrari was of the front. Despite the tinted window, you could clearly see a black ice Little Tree air freshener hanging from the mirror and a familiar hand gripping the wheel tightly. How could you recognize it? Despite the low quality, you can see a familiar ring on the middle finger. A celtic design Chan loved so much.

“Oh… my fucking god,” your mouth drops open as realization hits, and you immediately dash to the bedroom to yank open Chan’s dresser drawer, one left vacant for paperwork to “keep things safe”, and you pull out his insurance for his car. And, there it is, in plain sight. Ferrari SF90 Stradale. Color; black. Windows; tinted. At first, shock pools through you. Doubt climbing up. There’s no way Chan’s a criminal. There’s no way that he’s the one in the Ferrari. It has to be someone else.

But, there was only one way to find out. You had to be sure it was him.

So, you grabbed your purse and your keys and threw on a pair of slip - on vans. The sun was already setting, and you nearly forgot to lock up before running to your car. Barely unlocking it before you throw yourself into it, not even bothering to buckle your seatbelt before driving off to god knows where. Your gut leading you, immediately driving towards the area shown on the news. You pull out your phone, trusting the wheel in one hand as you pull up Chan’s profile and call him, pressing the phone to your ear.

The ringing carries on and on until the familiar voice of Chan speaks up, telling you that he’s not available and to leave a message after the beep.

“Oh, fuck off!” You scream at your phone before trying to call him again. Again and again it led to voicemail. Voicemail after voicemail. You couldn’t text him, not with you driving.

After the tenth call, you let out a frustrated yell, hitting your wheel with your palm and trying your best not to cry. You might be overreacting, since there’s a large chance that it isn’t Chan. But, for some reason, you believed it. You believed, at least somewhat, that it was Chan’s car. That it was Chan in the car. You didn’t want to believe it, but you did.

And your questions coursing through your mind were soon answered when you pulled up to the spot from the news, it now twilight, the sun just being set over the city’s horizon. You pulled onto an empty freeway, and parked in an alley between two buildings. There’s a group of people and a ton of expensive cars around the freeway. There were people crowded around a table. Some girls sat on top of cars, talking and laughing to each other while wearing vulgar and revealing clothes. Your brows furrow, deciding to stay low for a while. You turn off the engine to your car and watch carefully, gripping your phone in your hand. They seemed to be enjoying themselves, popping beer bottles, laughing and talking amongst themselves.

But, it’s when the sound of a loud engine came into earshot, and everyone, including you, turned to see the source of the sound. The moment the crowd of people see who it is, they start to cheer loudly. Throwing up their hands. However, your mouth falls open once more as the black Ferrari SF90 Stradale with tinted windows and a black ice Little Tree air freshener hanging from the rear - view mirror. It pulls up to the crowd, and they all part to make way for it.

Instead of shock or sadness, anger and rage begins to boil inside of you, and you grip your steering wheel tightly as you watch Chan, Christopher Bang, step out of the car. People pat his shoulder, and he smiles widely at them. Giving a few people hugs and even smiling to some of the women, who tried to steal a hug from him, too. He’s wearing clothes you don’t ever remember seeing. He wears a black leather jacket over a white button up and black skinny jeans. You’d be impressed by how good he looks if you weren’t so upset.

You didn’t even have to look at your phone as you pulled up Chan’s profile and called him, pressing the phone roughly to your ear.

“Pick up… Pick the fuck up,” you grumble under your breath as you watch Chan. He pulls his phone out of his pocket, and looks at it briefly.

Not even hesitating to hang up.

As you heard the familiar sound of Chan’s sweet voice telling you he’s not available at the moment and to leave a message after the beep, you finally have enough courage to get out of your car. Slamming the door shut and making your way out of the alley. They’re not too far, but it's a long enough walk for you to catch the eye of some people. You don’t even pause to rethink your decisions when a girl taps the chest of one of the guys, who glares at you with a raised brow.

The man that glared at you stepped away from the crowd, and you could barely see Chan over the people. He walks over to you, and you stop when the man is right in front of you, peering down you. The smell of cheap beer oozing off of him.

“And who the fuck are you?”

“Chan’s girlfriend, now get the fuck out of my way,” you try to push past him, but he grabs you by the arm. Tightly, too. Probably tight enough to leave a bruise after a while. “Hey! Let go of me.”

“No can do, princess,” the man says, smirking mercilessly down at you, his grip not loosening one bit, “Whether or not you’re Chan’s bitch doesn’t matter to me. It’s either you leave or I take you home and we have a good time. Well, I will, at least.” So, you tried to yank your arm from his, trying your best not to use your free hand to punch him in the face.

“Where’s Chan? Bring him to me.” You demand, and the man scoffs, chuckling.

“Fine, have it your way,” the man turns his head towards the crowd, a few people watch, and he says, “Grab Chan. This chick says she’s his girlfriend.” A few of them laugh at him, thinking it’s a joke. But, you stand your ground, glaring through the crowd. One of the people that laughed pushed through a few people. It takes a minute, and there’s a tense silence between you and the man as you try to pry his hand off.

But, as you suspected, a smiling Chan pushes through, but his smile instantly drops when he sees you.

“Hey, Chan. This chick’s babbling on about being your girl. Should I kick-”

“Get your hands off her right now before I shoot you in the face.” Chan interrupts, anger lacing his dark, deep voice. The man holding your arm instantly lets go and steps away, his hands rising in defense. Mumbling something about just ‘trying to keep things safe’. Once the man is away, Chan walks up to you, now being the one tightly gripping your arms. Leaning down so his face is close to yours.

“Why are you here, (Y/N)? Why the hell are you here?” He asks harshly, his voice full of surprise and desperation. He even shakes you slightly.

“You seriously thought I wouldn’t find out?” You snap, ignoring his question all together, “You thought I was dumb enough to let this go under? Well, I’ve been dumb for too long, Christopher. I’m not going to be like that anymore.” You know he’s not too big a fan of being called by his real name, but you do it anyway.

“Go home (Y/N). I’ll explain everything to you afterwards.” Chan says, placing a hand on your shoulder, trying to turn you away.

“No!” You yell, pushing his arms off you, “I am not going home, Chan! I am staying with you. I need to know what the hell all of this is. Right. Now.” You demand, and Chan shakes his head.

“No. You’re going home, (Y/N),” Chan tries to push you away again, his hands gripping your shoulders tightly and trying to turn you from the curious crowd. However, you weren’t going to be let off so easily. You swiftly turned around, letting your flying hand come in contact with Chan’s cheek. Smacking him. You made sure not to backhand him, knowing how much that could hurt. Besides, you don’t want to hurt him too much, you just want to get your point across, and he wasn’t listening to your words. He lets go of you again, his head flinging to the side because of the impact.

“I said no. I’m staying here,” You repeat yourself, and Chan’s eyes no longer lace with aggression, but worry. He doesn’t seem upset that you hit him. In fact, he seems to gloss over it. “I need to know what’s going on-”

You weren’t able to finish your sentence until Chan grabs you by the wrist and pulls you into the crowd. They part to make way for him, and you aren’t able to muster out a sentence before Chan unlocked his car and shoves you forcefully into the passenger seat.

“Chan, what -”

“Shut up, buckle up and hold on tight ‘cause it’s gonna be one hell of a night for us, darling,” Chan snaps, and your lips clamp close at his harsh words. You didn’t expect that out of him. You could nearly cry right there. Chan backs away and slams the door shut, and you quickly scramble to put the seatbelt on as Chan yells something at the crowd, and they erupt in cheers. A few people scramble to get into different cars, and the rest stay back, keeping their distance. However, Chan didn’t seem too pleased as he walked around the car and into the passenger’s seat, locking the doors.

“Chan…”

“Quiet,” Chan snaps, revving the engine of the car. You can faintly hear the cheer of the onlookers behind as Chan pulls alongside the other three cars. A young woman wearing small shorts and an exposed shirt too small for fall walks ahead, and pulls a red cloth out of her back pocket. Her red lips smile bright as she lifts her red cloth. She holds up one finger, and Chan’s engine growls from behind, the car shaking along with it. Your hands go to grip the first thing, which is the cup holder in the center console and the door. Bracing yourself for what’s about to happen.

“Chan!”

“I said quiet!” Chan yells, sparing you a glance and your brows creased with worry as the woman holds up a second finger, and Chan’s hand grips the wheel as the other rests over the buttons.

She doesn’t hold up a third finger. Instead, she throws down the red cloth, and the moment she does so, Chan is off on the road. His foot slammed against the gas as he pushed his back against the seat and used one hand to effortlessly steer. You feel so impossibly scared in the car. A small part of you was debating whether or not you should have gone home, but you knew that it was the right decision to stay. To truly understand what’s been going on and what this is all about.

You try your best not to scream as the loud engine nearly bursts your eardrums.

“Chan… Chan, stop the car!” You scream, the need to vomit creeping up, even though you try to gulp it down.

“I can’t, (Y/N). I really can’t right now.” He says loudly over the engine.

“Please, Chan, just stop the car…!” You yell out again, and Chan finally glances at you, seeing your distressed look before his head snaps ahead again.

His hand swiftly reaches over to grip your thigh, as if trying to prove that you’re secure, “Calm down, (Y/N). You’ll be fine. We’re fine. I’m not stopping the car. Sorry, but I just can’t.”

“I should hate you for this, Chan!” You say, and you can see the way his knuckles turn white from gripping the wheel. “But I can’t… I just… Goddamn it, why!?”

“I can’t tell you that right now!” He yells back, looking over briefly before making a sharp turn, making you clutch onto the seat belt for protection, his hand now back over the buttons, “You just need to sit there until this is over, got it? I don’t care how scared you are, you’re gonna get through it like the strong woman you are, (Y/N), and I’m not taking no for an answer.”

You look over to Chan, and his lips are downturned, his brows furrowed and his eyes glossed over, as if he could cry right there.

“But why didn’t you just tell me?! We wouldn’t be like this right now if you just told me, Chan, and that’s the truth.” You yell over the engine, and Chan bitterly and breathily chuckles, shaking his head as an angry smile casts over his lips.

“You wouldn’t have stayed with me if I told you, (Y/N), you know that.” His voice is a little softer. If any softer, you wouldn’t have heard him. “You would’ve left me.”

Your mouth falls open, and you shake your head, “Never… Never! Never, ever, accuse me of that. I would never leave you even if you killed a man, Chan, and that’s the truth!” He doesn’t respond. He doesn’t even look at you as he turns another sharp corner, and you can see the other cars following behind, closing in. He sees it, too, and he presses some buttons you didn’t bother reading and slams his foot on the gas again. You let out a deep breath, still clutching the seat belt, “I just want to know why, Chan. Why are you resulting to this even though you have a stable job at the entertainment company, I-... I just want you to be honest with me.”

“I’ll tell you later, (Y/N). Just sit tight and keep your mouth shut. I need to focus or we’ll fucking crash, you got it!” He yells, and you flinch at his harsh tone. Finally keeping quiet.

The race seems like it lasts forever, when it was probably only five minutes. With sharp twists and turns and screeching of the engine in wheels, it feels like torture. You hate this, but there’s no backing out yet.

Chan doesn’t utter a word. Only cursing at the other cars when they do something that they weren’t supposed to do, or somehow start catching up to him. You let a few tears slip as you watch his hands and Chan as he focuses solely on the road. The lump in your throat is growing bigger and bigger, and swallowing it down seems to get more and more difficult.

But, it’s over at some point. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding and Chan finally slowed down after reaching a pathetic excuse of a finish line. Your trembling hands grip the hem of the hoodie you were wearing as Chan comes to a steady stop. People come cheering as the other three cars pull up behind, being careful not to bump into anyone from the crowd. You breath heavily, and look over to Chan, who rolls down his window, plastering a triumphant smile on his lips.

“I don’t even get why I race against you, mate. You always win. Just take the money and get outta here,” says one of the racers playfully, tossing Chan a briefcase through the window.

“Thanks man. Good race,” Chan says, “Now, I have business to attend to. If you’ll excuse me.”

He rolls up the window, and the man who handed Chan the briefcase smacks the window playfully as Chan rushes off, his smile instantly vanishing as he goes through backgrounds to try and get to a main road without drawing too much attention. Chan’s smile drops, and he hands you the briefcase.

“You want to know so badly? Open it and be careful. It’ll be hell to clean up if you drop it,” Chan grumbles, looking over as you look to him for reassurance. He only gives you a cocked brow as you look back to the case in your lap before unlocking it and opening it. Your jaw falls as you look at the thousands of bills stacked on top of each other, rubber bands holding equal stacks together, and you gawk at just how much money Chan won from one race.

After a minute of you staring at the money, Chan slams the case closed in your lap, locking it with one hand and tossing it in the backseat making you jump at how hasty he is.

You both sit there, Chan driving to god knows where in tense silence. You're holding your head in your hands as Chan shifted his gaze between you and the road.

It’s about fifteen minutes until you look up, surprised that he’s still driving and nowhere near home. It’s an emptier city, but Chan seems to know the area well.

“Chan, where are we?” You ask, but Chan gives no answer. Only driving a bit further before pulling into an alley between two old buildings. “Chan, I said -”

You were quickly by Chan yanking off his seatbelt and leaning over the center console to firmly grab your face and pull you into a rough kiss. It isn’t too rushed, but it’s not at all gentle. You’re caught by surprise at first, but couldn’t help melting into it. It’s almost instinct at this point to kiss him back, but you push him away after a moment. “What… What the fuck are you doing?”

“Kissing you,” Chan answers briefly before grabbing locks of your hair at the back of your head and pulling you into another kiss, his other hand creeping down to unbuckle your seatbelt, and you let it slam against the car as it flies off you.

“No, Chan… We need to talk,” You grumble out as you try to pull away, and he presses wet, sloppy kisses to the side of your mouth. His eyes are fluttered shut, and your’s are half lidded. You will admit, you love this. The kisses and how unnaturally aggressive Chan is being. But, you knew that you have to talk things out, or you’d never get to figure out how the hell things turned out like this, “Chan, I’m serious right now.”

“Then relax, baby,” Chan breathily whispers out, and your thighs squeeze together, “Let me make things up to you, okay? I’ll fuck you so good, baby.” He pulls away for a moment, and he stares at you with a teasing smirk, “Think of it as my apology, alright?”

“Chan, I’m… I’m - ah! Chan!” You gasp when Chan’s lips come in contact with the side of your neck. Your neck is already tilting to give him more room, despite trying pathetically to push him away. There’s no getting through to him anymore. You’ve passed the point of no return, and there’s not much you could get past him without slapping him again. And that didn’t seem like a very good idea to you. Your hand flies up to grip the back of his neck, the other loosely clutching the hem of his button up.

“You know that… ah… that we are going to talk about this at some point…” you groan out, and Chan only groans against your neck, sucking on the sensitive skin. “You can’t get out of it like this…”

“Shut it, (Y/N),” Chan snaps, and your head falls back. Chan leans his seat back, aggressively grabbing you by the thighs to pull you over and sit on top of him. Straddling his waist despite it being such a tight environment. He pulls you down by the hoodie, into another kiss. You could feel how frustrated Chan is by the way he grips you tightly, as if you’re going to magically vanish, and by how he talks to you.

It’s rushed, too. Chan is impossibly quick to pull up your hoodie, his hot, sweaty hands creeping up your warm back, caressing it with a different, quick sense of gentleness. His lips connect with yours once again. His tongue already pressing against your lips. The quick, sloppy kiss all too lust filled. The erotic sounds coming from the both of you almost making you gloss over the fact that you should still be very mad at Chan. But, you just can’t find the need to pull away from him. You need to let off the steam, too.

You flush your body firm against him, one hand on his chest and the other by his head, holding onto the head of the seat for support. Breathing as slowly as you can through your nose to savor the air Chan so selfishly takes from you from the heated kiss. Your thoughts begin to vanish and your worry and concern for Chan’s life choices begin to falter for the time being. So immersed in the heated kiss to forget about it entirely. All your focus is now on Chan. You can tell how stressed he is, and the loving part of you wants to help him let off that steam. But, now, you’re in the same boat. So, he’s going to have to do so much for you as you’ve been doing for him.

Chan’s hands don’t bother to hesitate before they loop underneath your jeans, not caring to unbutton them as he tries his best to pull them off by himself. Because of how restricted you both are because of the size of the car, you had to do it yourself. You parted from the kiss and pressed your head against his shoulder to unbutton your jeans and pull them down as quickly as you could before throwing them in the back (along with your shoes and socks. You can already see how hard Chan’s gotten as his rough hands massage and knead your ass, only covered by the thin, black cloth keeping you at least somewhat covered. But, if this was like any other time, they’d be gone quicker than you’d imagine.

Your hands fly up again once your pants are thrown to the back, resting on either side of Chan’s head as he grips your hips, grinding your womanhood against his clothed hardon (you’re also clothed, but it’s so wet from your juices that it basically attaches itself to your skin). His head throws itself back, his eyes closing and a pleasure filled smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. You press yourself against him, now propped up to be looming over him, sitting on him.

When you do press against him, his head snaps forward again, and his dark eyes glare up at you, “Don’t start getting proud, (Y/N). I’m gonna fucking break you.” His hand crawls up to grip your face in his hand. One of your hands weakly comes up to grip his wrist. His hand moving down to grip your throat, and your lips part blissfully as his fingers press into the sides of your neck, still allowing airflow through you. “Oh, fuck. You like being choked, huh? You like being choked like a slut don’t you?” You don’t answer, too nervous to and too caught up in the pleasure to actually let something other than a moan escape your lips.

“Talk to me, (Y/N). Use your fucking words,” Chan growls, and you swallow. The lump in your throat pressing painfully, yet blissfully against Chan’s hand.

“Fuck me, Chris. Fuck me…” You utter out his name, and Chan’s brow raises. But, he smirks nonetheless and lets go of your neck, and you let out a breath as he undoes his jeans and pulls them down to his feet. His hand palming his clothed cock briefly before pulling it out. His hard dick already leaking with precum.

“Condom…” You mutter, and Chan shakes his head. You look up to him with worry.

“Trust me, baby,” he mutters, and you sigh, leaning against him, pressing your body against his as Chan moves your panties out of the way before he aligns your throbbing cunt with his dick, and slowly pushing himself into you, raw. As his raw cock slowly becomes engulfed by your heat, Chan lets out low groans. Your face nuzzles into the side of his neck as Chan slowly guides you down until you’re sitting on his cock.

At first, he stays there like that. Not moving. You suspect it’s because the sane part of him wants you to get used to the feeling of his cock so deep in you without a condom, but Chan seems to keep you there for a few moments just for the sake of how good it feels without a condom. The way his head is leaned back, his lips slightly ajar and his eyes fluttered shut.

But, it doesn’t last long before Chan’s strong arms wrap around your waist, holding you up and starts ramming into you. His hips move so quickly, yet so efficiently as he burns your wet walls. You erupt in a series of loud moans, mixtures of Chan’s name and curses spilling out, too. Chan groans sometimes, right next to your ear. The sound of skin slapping against the fabric of Chan’s boxers echoing through the air tight car.

Your pussy burns from how fast Chan thrusts into you, keeping you at a steady position so he could have an easier time ramming himself into you without the difficulty of it being such a confined and restrictive place in the car (especially in the driver’s seat). The burn is so good for you, though. It’s such a numbing, euphoric feeling that you’ll crave later. A type of burn you could never provide yourself, only Chan.

Chan’s hands go from gripping your body to sliding up your side to gripping your hair and yanking your head back so he could look at you. A judgemental, sexy smirk adorning his lips as he sees how fucked out you are. Your mouth open as you moan, and your half lidded eyes occasionally closing from the bliss.

“Fucking hell… you’re so good for me, (Y/N). You take my cock so fucking well, don’t you?” You let out a choked moan as Chan’s hand grips harder on your hair, craning your neck. “Mmm… Baby girl can’t even talk to me… I know I said to shut it…” he laughs darkly through his moans, and your moans get louder when Chan lets go of your hair, letting your face fall back onto his shoulder as his hands grip your ass. Kneading them as he fucks himself into you. You clench helplessly around his cock.

“Oh… fuck, you’re gonna cum, aren’t you? You wanna cum around my cock, baby girl?” You nod frantically, your climax climbing up as you push your body back to meet with Chan’s aggressive thrusts. Your overstimulated cunt only being destroyed by Chan’s cock as he thrusts harder into you, his hips staggering slightly as you clench around him. “Mmm! - Cum for me, baby. Cum for me.” Chan growls out as his hand grips your face again, forcing your head up as your eyes roll into the back of your head, a loud string of moans escaping your lips as you cum all over Chan’s cock, and he pulls out just quick enough to spurt out a string of cum along your ass.

He lets go of your face, and you breath heavily as you rest your head on Chan’s chest, closing your eyes to catch your breath. A burning sensation still resting in your core as you relax, your womanhood’s muscles contracting every now and then from the orgasm.

Chan cleans you both up with a napkin he had in the center console and helped you put your jeans back on (deciding to toss your soiled panties) and he slipped his jeans back on silently. It’s not until you’re sitting on his lap, resting your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat when he speaks.

“You know I love you so much, right?” Chan mumbles out, and you look up to him. “I was so mean to you today… when you must’ve been so confused.” His head falls back, and he looks out the window with a longing look in his eyes, “I’m the worst boyfriend in the world, aren’t I?”

“No, you’re not. Don’t even think things like that. Yes, I am still a bit upset, but you know what? We’re going to get past this because I love you, too, Channie.” You stare at him with an adoring expression adorning your sparkling eyes (trying to ignore the burning in your core).

“You… You want to know the real reason I’m a street racer, (Y/N)? Why the fuck I'm doing this?” Chan asks softly, his hand stroking your hair.

“If you could… I’ve been asking all day,” you chuckle softly, and Chan smiles bitterly.

“Well… I… I’m doing this all for you.”

“What do you mean?”

“No job will pay for the things I want to give you, (Y/N).” He turns over, reaching into the center console to pull out a black box, and your eyes widen as he opens it. You can’t see it, but you can barely see the sparkle of a something reflective. “I… I couldn’t pay for this myself. I knew I couldn’t. I hate how this is how I’m asking you… but, (Y/N), will you-”

“Oh my god, yes!”